43 ~ The Power of Living Authentically

Have you ever been in the presence of someone fully embracing their true self? In this episode of Desire as Medicine, Catherine recounts an unforgettable experience at a conference where she felt the raw, yet gentle power of women expressing their authentic selves. Brenda takes us through her journey of encountering a teacher whose embodiment of joy and approval shifted her perspective forever. 

The privilege of witnessing women stepping into their power, joy, and authenticity is a recurring theme in this episode, offering profound inspiration. Each person’s unique gifts and truths are celebrated, and we encourage you to embrace your true self and vulnerabilities, sharing your inner magic with the world.

Discover the journey to your authentic self by shedding societal and self-imposed layers. Learn how to tune into your genuine desires and emotions, starting with small steps towards expressing your true nature. We discuss the inspiration drawn from others who embody self-regulation and authenticity, guiding you to listen to your inner voice and follow your unique path. 

Together, we underscore the gift of authenticity and vulnerability, serving as a powerful form of healing for ourselves and the world around us.  Join us in embracing the power of desire and connect with us further through our social media handles found in the show notes.

Chapters

• 0:08 The Power of Embodied Transformation
• 16:26 Authenticity and Inner Radiance
• 25:12 Finding Your Authentic Self Through Self-Discovery
• 32:57 Exploring the Power of Desire

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

Speaker 2: 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine.

Speaker 1: 0:36

And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student, even after decades of inner work.

Speaker 2: 1:00

We are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

Speaker 1: 1:12

On the Desires Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Hello, hello, welcome listeners to today's Desire as Medicine podcast. Today I want to sort of piggyback on something that Brenda and I were talking about with Tatiana on our Tatiana episode, which was we had let Tatiana know how she embodied this gorgeous fierceness, permission, and that, even though she had so much sexual energy, she was really not leaky at all. And we talked about this concept that I'd like to introduce today is, which is how we learn through the embodiment of others and in this practice of desire. Brenda and I have both shared with one another many times about how different women on the path have introduced us to something completely brand new and how much of a blessing it is to actually feel the transmission of that through another woman. And that's one of the reasons why we even do this podcast, and today I really want to talk about that, about how deeply transformative it is to witness a woman, whether it's in her full power, in her gratitude, in full joy, in full permission. It's really, really, really life altering, life changing and so important that we allow others to see us in our embodiment, like in our truth and whatever level that we're at. I feel like society is so pro fake it, so pro fake it till you make it. So pro just be nice. So pro being politically correct that we know how people are supposed to air quotes, act, but we don't actually see other people being the leaving the leaving, excuse me. We don't see people being the living, breathing thing that we would actually love to also live, be and breathe.

Speaker 1: 3:40

My first experience of that was back in a, at a conference I know I've spoken about this before, but I'm going to say it again because it will continue to give me shivers which was a conference, 2013 or 14, maybe it was even 2012, where I saw two women sitting at a table that I was also sitting at, see how beautifully feminine they were and how I could actually feel viscerally their power.

Speaker 1: 4:07

But yet there was nothing slay about them, there was nothing fierce about them, there was nothing power over about them. That was the first time I had ever experienced that type of power and in my body I was like I want that. I want to live and breathe and embody that I want to be the kind of woman that can have that level of power and yet feel that soft, and that was one of the things like one of my North stars and I know that Brenda has also felt this way, and I'm going to be passing the mic over to her soon as well and I guess, for what's the word for privacy sake, we're not going to really be talking about, we're not going to be giving names, dates and birthdays, social security numbers. We're just going to sort of in general speak to this. But it is something that I'm so excited to share with all of you today, and I am going to pass it to Brenda now.

Speaker 2: 5:12

What comes up for you when I share this? This is beautiful, catherine. I love that soft power, so beautiful. It's just reminding me of how much we, as women, how important it is for us to live in our bodies and trust that thing inside of us and be it. And it's so vulnerable. It's so vulnerable when we're taught to fit in. We're taught to be a certain way and look a certain way and act a certain way, but really there's not anything inspiring or unique about that. But being your true self, whatever that is for whoever is listening, is truly medicine in the world, and I love that. We are talking about this and I have so many examples of this, two really big examples. I'm going to just share one at a time.

Speaker 2: 6:06

But I had this teacher many years ago who taught me how to be in approval of life, in approval of the process, in approval of wherever you are, in your emotions, your experience, your process in your transformation. And she also taught me about joy. And she didn't sit down and give me a lecture about this, although she did talk about it, but she embodied it and I watched her and I lived with her actually for a period of time and I got to see this from morning till night, how she walked through the world and embodied joy and approval. I'd never really seen anything like that before. I'd never really seen anybody be in such deep approval of whatever was going on around her. And that didn't mean that she liked everything or that there wasn't some place where people could grow or change. But nothing ever changes without approval for where it is first.

Speaker 2: 7:26

And living with her for these many months truly changed that in me. I received this beautiful transmission of what it means to be in approval of myself and my process and other people's, and that has been absolutely life-changing, because nothing in our lives will ever shift if we don't accept it for what it is first. Amen, yeah. And I have a lot of gratitude for her, a lot of gratitude because she, just when you're in approval of what is, it is joyful because you're not trying to change it. I mean I want to giggle when I'm talking about it. You don't have to change it, you don't have to do anything about it, you just have to accept it. And I think that's probably one of the hardest things to do. And I learned that because this woman had the bravery, the balls, the cojones, to just own it and be it.

Speaker 1: 8:30

Yes, I also want to chime in here for our listeners and say, yes, she had the courage to be it, own it. She also had the courage to do her work, to be that right, because I think we are all pure love, joy. There is definitely a certain purity to us, but that's beneath all of our protective layers, right, all the things that kept us safe throughout the years, all the things that had us ensure love and safety and belonging and had helped us have our needs met, right, met. And so to see someone living there in that place of pure joy and bliss, and we don't see the protection layers above it, we're like, wow, that's possible. Oh, I didn't know that that was possible to that extent, that degree.

Speaker 1: 9:22

So, yes, it's courage. It's like I find it to be courageous to be willing to get to know yourself to those depths, to such a degree that you don't have to live in protection, because you're like, oh, I'm okay, like we have protection because we have fear. We have fear because we don't trust. We don't trust that we can really handle whatever's coming our way, and so we work on ourselves, we get stronger and stronger to be with what is, feel the fear, do it anyway that sort of thing, and it's just such a when we have the opportunity to witness someone who has done that level of work, and then we can see them as women embodying it in the world and living through their day to day, we get a chance to have a peek of what that looks like. It is really a gift.

Speaker 2: 10:17

Thank you for adding that in. That is a huge piece. She absolutely did the work to get there by uncovering all of her own protections. It's not a bypass. I think that's what made it such a deep embodied transmission that I received is that it was not a bypass. It was true, it was real. I was like what the heck this woman is, an approval of all the things and she actually did the work to dismantle all those pieces inside of her to get there and that is really what inspired me.

Speaker 1: 10:57

What a gift. That's so beautiful, yes, to have met someone on the path that isn't bypassing, because bypassing it is socially politically correct and it does diminish potential chaos while in connection, but it doesn't necessarily deepen connection, right, and that's kind of what we're all going for. We want to be connected, we want to be seen and heard and we want to see and hear and experience. It's really hard to see someone experience them, feel them, when they are walled up and being defensive of something.

Speaker 2: 11:36

Yes, exactly, and I want to say why this inspired me so much, this idea of being in approval of all the things. Because, as somebody who was very judgmental and very critical, that is a protection that really kept me safe and it also kept me from the intimacy that I wanted and the connection that I really wanted in my deep relationships and all of my relationships, because if you're critical and judgmental, you know you're kind of over here by yourself looking down at what's over there which isn't exactly connecting. So, as I learned to do this myself, oh, there's another way. Instead of being critical, I could just actually be in acceptance of myself and my own process, even of being critical itself. I was able to notice this as a way that I kept myself safe and protected, and I didn't really want to be that way, and so she really inspired me in that way.

Speaker 2: 12:38

And I want to say there's so many women I could think of countless women right now who all embody something different. Really, all of my friends, so many women that I walk this path with my own daughter who embody something so unique and so beautiful that it shows me what's possible. That it shows me what's possible because, you know, I'm just over here living my life as Brenda, and I don't always know what's possible, but when I see it in someone else I'm like, oh, that's possible or this is a way of being that I never thought about and I wonder what it would be like for me to try that out. I wonder what would shift in my life if I tried out what this person is doing or that person is doing, and that has been a real game changer for me. What comes up for you around that, catherine?

Speaker 1: 13:45

it has me think of um. A client sent me this meme this week. I was or maybe it wasn't a meme, it was a reel on Instagram and the woman was talking about flexible personality, which is basically adaptability, which is basically like being willing to go with, like the ebbs and flows. It has me think about what you were talking about. When we're defensive, to a certain extent, we're wanting to control. When we are judgmental, right, we're also wanting to control. We want things to be a particular way in order for us to feel safe and good inside, because otherwise, as things change, we feel like, ah right, and there's this idea that if we control all the pieces on the outside, that it will have us feel safe, versus doing what we do in the work, which is addressing all the things on the inside, which is actually what has us feel a certain level of safety, because safety is just perception. There is no real measure, because anywhere where we're feeling safe, that can change. We can be in the best of health. That can change. We could be making tons of money. That can change. We can be loved with the best of friends. That can change, like our environmental factors can change, and even our internal factors can change to a certain extent, but do we? We have that flexibility that I guess the modern world would society would use that term potentially like flexible personality, which would lead us to having better ability to self-regulate, which is really what the work is all about, right, our ability.

Speaker 1: 15:26

When we see women who are embodying the soft power, who are embodying joy, permission, who are embodying all these amazing qualities. To a certain extent, they had to work through the layers that covered that up and, in doing so, learned how to self-regulate in such a way that has people around them feel safe, because they know, oh, regardless of the chaos on the outside, regardless of the chaos on the inside, this person is self-regulated and it feels really joyful to be near them. It doesn't matter if we're like in a tornado, it doesn't matter if there's a flood, it doesn't matter if there's chaos, it's like it's still pleasurable to be around them, versus like the reverse of that, which is the normal day-to-day people who have not really worked on themselves and who are just like one walking trigger happy person. I'm not talking trigger happy like with a real weapon of gun. I mean trigger happy in the sense that they just love to be triggered and something happens in their external world and they blow up.

Speaker 1: 16:26

Something happens in the internal world and they blow up. Something happens in the internal world and they blow up and you're around someone who's this constant volcano and lava of chaos and you're going oh, I do not want to be around that. Or, even worse, that walking volcano with lava that is tapering it down, and when you're around them it just feels like it's bubbling. It's bubbling, maybe right now it's going to happen, maybe it's going to be in the next five minutes, maybe it's going to be in the next week, and we're just bracing ourselves because at any moment, this person is going to have an eruption, that's going to feel like they just threw all their garbage on us and that never feels joyful. Never, ever, ever. That's what it has me think about.

Speaker 2: 17:12

Oh, my God, that does not feel joyful. The way you paint that. It's really a lot to be around people who are easily triggered in that way and you don't really know what's going to happen when you're around them. And the truth is we are around these people in the world. I mean, honestly, my inner circle is not like that anymore. You know it really used to be, but I've, as I've worked on myself and become more self-regulated. My relationships are reflecting that and I'm really grateful for that. And it was not always that way, reflecting that and I'm really grateful for that. And it was not always that way.

Speaker 2: 17:56

It's taught me to really learn to be okay over here, no matter what, and we did a whole episode on it. I want to say it's number 10, about being with change. We talked about this whole episode about what happens with change and can we be okay with things changing in our life. Because the ultimately it comes down to am I okay, can I be okay with whatever happens and can I be comfortable in the discomfort of my life? And so this applies to change and it also applies to people and relationships being around people who are not okay, like what happens for you when you're around people who aren't okay or who are volatile or are easily triggered. I mean, you just go out into the world and there's people around who are not regulated and how does that affect you? And I think it's just normal that it's going to affect us. But ultimately, you want to know that you know how to take care of yourself and you're okay in the world.

Speaker 1: 18:59

I'd say that with doing personal development work and self-regulation work, you can be. You probably have a higher threshold and also a higher awareness, right that, oh, this person isn't really self-regulated. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, everything's fine, everything's fine. And then you start to see, okay, it's starting to tax me and so it's time for me to exit or end this conversation. There's a place for us to move right. It allows us that ability to sort of bob and weave versus.

Speaker 1: 19:35

I think a former version of myself potentially would view those moments and be victimized by them, like, oh, my goodness, this just always happens and that's not really the case. I'm like, oh, okay, this person is in their thing, it's their thing, it has nothing to do with me. I'm not taking this personally because it's really not personal. Whatever is happening for them, I hope that they figure this out and they reach a level of acceptance and permission in their own body. And there's a certain disconnect that can happen for me in those places where a former version of me would be like, uh-oh, what did I do? Or what just happened.

Speaker 1: 20:18

I think we tend to go into what did I do to create this moment? Versus what's happening in this moment, how do I maneuver it here in this moment? How do I maneuver it here and then after that event? Okay, how do I take care of myself now and go take care of that? But to kind of bring this back to where we started, which was it is just ultimately a gift, a universal gift, to be in this life, living at this time when we, as women, have so many privileges that the women before us did not have, and now we actually get to see women in their full bliss, in their joy, in their power, in their permission and acceptance. And I am just beyond grateful to have been able to experience that in this life, because when I was growing up it was not something I saw, and now it's just so abundant. It makes my life feel so rich, just so rich and abundant.

Speaker 2: 21:23

So beautiful. I love feeling your heart and your gratitude there, and I absolutely concur about that. I think there's always been women in history and in my life that I've seen in the world who have followed their desire and been in their radiance, and I think we're really seeing it more and more these days. And now these people are my closest friends, they're my family, and I'm so grateful for that. It really is a beautiful thing for a woman to own her radiance, own her medicine, own her magic, own her truth and live it out in the world and take that chance. It's so inspiring because we all do have something unique, that we embody some medicine and, wow, the world really needs that. I think the world really needs that. I need that, our children need that. Our sisters, our mothers, our friends, our daughters. We all need this, and it really does take courage to be your true self and speak up and let out what is inside of you.

Speaker 2: 22:45

Maybe it's a song or a dance or writing, or some particular style that you have, or an opinion about something. Whatever it is, wow, please let it out. And I think when it's that thing inside of you that is yours, it feels so vulnerable to let it out because you're like I know I've said well, nobody else is saying this thing, is it right? I'm like, oh yes, it's mine. It's mine to say that's why no one else is saying it, because it's mine and that's what I see other women doing letting out that thing. That is theirs and I'm so, so grateful for that.

Speaker 1: 23:31

I love that you're pointing to you, having had that experience in your life, that you have seen women embodying these different gorgeous characteristics, and that they weren't, you know, in any way, shape or form, just checking off their to-dos or going through the world or you know, being taught to just fit in and they just look like they're full of torture. That was my experience growing up, so I didn't experience that. I would love would you be able to say this in a different way when you say that thing that's inside of them, to let it out for our listeners. Because when we first started talking about this in this episode, we're kind of I was sort of pointing to, oh, these characteristic traits that women are truly embodying, where it's not a fake thing or it's not an act, and that there are. It's gorgeous to see that when you don't have to do anything to get rid of the layers, it's sort of already there and present.

Speaker 1: 24:35

And I think what you're talking about is some potentially something different. And I want to be clear. When you say, oh, women have this thing and they just need to let it out, what would you say is in front of or in the way of them letting it out? Because my view is oh, what I've been pointing to is we have all these defense mechanisms above it, and so we take those levels, those layers off when we start to feel safer and get to just walk as we are in the world. And you're speaking of something else, or potentially the same. I just want to be clear.

Speaker 2: 25:12

Yeah, this is a great clarification.

Speaker 2: 25:14

I think we're talking about the same thing, because when I'm talking about letting out that thing inside of you, I'm talking about be who you truly are, and then you naturally are letting out your true emotions, taking off the filters, taking off the conditioning and society's you know way belief of how you have to be, and just embodying who you truly are, without the protections, without the layers, is letting out.

Speaker 2: 25:56

When I say the thing inside of you, that's what I'm talking about. So I think we're really talking about the same thing, is just, ultimately, I think what we're both saying is be who you truly are, be who you truly are in the world, and sometimes that does require actually, I don't even think sometimes I think it always requires us to remove all the layers that we learn to put on as protection to keep ourselves safe. I think that we come into this work and we do start dismantling those things and then underneath is our soul, our true beauty, because we are love in the world. All the other things are just adaptations that we have picked up over our life to stay safe and keep us protected. So does that answer your question?

Speaker 1: 26:54

Yes, thank you. I think we're getting to this. I'm clear, thank you. I would say that then, after hearing you describe that, I would ask you then would you be so inclined to potentially tell you something? Say to someone else who says, yeah, brenda, well, it's really easy to say, let it out. What does that mean? Right, what am I letting out?

Speaker 1: 27:19

So the thing that came to mind for me when you were describing that was really encouraging our listeners or anybody who feels like they're in that place, that where do I begin to let this thing out? Right, how do I begin to be me, what would it be a step for me? Be a step for me? The questions that came to mind for our listeners is what is something that you're doing or what is something that you are, yeah, something that you're doing in the world, or something that you're engaging in that really doesn't bring you joy? Right, that you're doing it or engaging in it or being this thing because you feel that it's going to make you safe, and where you can actually question that and say to yourself is this really true? Is it really keeping me safe or is it doing the opposite of keeping me safe? Is it just really taking away my oxygen, my creative oxygen, my joy oxygen, my power, permission, acceptance. Oxygen was what came to mind for me yeah, that's really beautiful and also removing obligation.

Speaker 2: 28:23

For me it was. It took me a long time to to, to get here and to do that and it I'm not here, I'm not anywhere. I'm still working on this, even though we have this podcast. You know, we're still working on this thing, and when I first started the work of transformation and following desire I one of my big parts of my journey is voice and learning how to speak up, and I would just start tuning into who I truly was by dialing it down to be very simple what do I want to eat? What would my body like right now? What do I really want to wear? What do I really want to say to this person? Am I really yes to this thing that I just said yes to, or am I a no? Do I really want to go to that person's house for this holiday? Do I really want to go to that person's house for this holiday? Do I really want to eat this? Or what restaurant do I really want to go to? Do I want to paint, or do I want to dance, or what is it that I truly want to do?

Speaker 2: 29:29

I dialed it back to be very, very basic, to get in touch with myself, because I really went through a journey where I I don't want to say I lost myself, but I think it was actually time to find myself on a deeper way and I really needed to ask myself these very basic questions. And then, as I started doing that, I really started filling my day and my week and my life with more things that were truly authentic to myself. And then I you know, it's like a muscle. So I started out small with well, how do I really want my coffee? And then you know it's gotten bigger, to what do I really want to say? Or even when I want to post something that feels vulnerable on social media, it still feels vulnerable, still feels edgy for me to put, lay out the truth of my heart, even here on our podcast. When we do that, this is me being stretched and this is me being me.

Speaker 1: 30:38

Thank you so much for sharing that. This episode today just feels so full of so much goodness. I'm going to ask you, Brenda, what would you like our listeners to think about or potentially take away from this episode?

Speaker 2: 31:04

I would love for our listeners to really consider who are you truly? What's that little voice inside of you that wants to come out? It might be really small, like, hello, I'm in here, I want to paint or bring me to the ocean. Whatever it is, it could be something really small. And that voice of desire that comes from within can you hear it and can you follow it in some way? Can you take a step towards that? Because when we talk about becoming our authentic selves and embodying our truth, embodying our medicine, it really does start small in those particular ways. And so what is it that you're keeping inside of you that really wants to come out?

Speaker 1: 32:08

Those would be my questions. Thank you so much, Brenda. This has been a great conversation. I would say that the thing I would want listeners to think about as far as this episode is concerned is like who do you know that is embodying something that inspires you? Who do you know that is just doing self-regulation so beautifully? These are parts of learning from other women as they walk through the world that help us really tap into all that is possible for us to lean into, as we lean into our own bigness, our own desire to be seen, our own desire to be felt, our own desire to live with even more color in the world. Live with even more color in the world. I encourage all of our listeners to do that. I would love to know more of how and in which ways this episode has touched you. It's definitely touched me from start to finish. Thank you so much for listening. As a reminder, Brenda and I both do one-to-one and group coaching. If you'd like to know more about that, our links are in the show notes. Until next time.

Speaker 1: 33:26

Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.