Desire As Medicine Podcast
Catherine & Brenda interview people and talk to each other about desire. They always come back to us being 100% responsible for our desires.
Contact us by email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
Instagram:
@desireasmedicine
@CoachCatherineN
@Brenda_Fredericks
Desire As Medicine Podcast
50 ~ Embracing Change, Growth & Desire After 50
What if aging wasn't about decline but about rediscovery and empowerment? Join us on the Desire as Medicine podcast as we, Brenda and Catherine, share our candid experiences of navigating life after 50.
We agree with the cultural narrative in some places and challenge that same narrative in others. Does aging really mean slowing down? Or does it just mean take better care of yourself?
We open up about the unexpected bodily changes, like the surprising cause of a numb thumb, and the complexities of perimenopause and menopause. Brenda reflects on how embracing her 50s has been a journey of empowerment, inspired by mentors who embody wisdom and strength. We aim to normalize discussions about desire, aging and want to celebrate the potential for continued growth and vitality.
Physical and emotional changes are inevitable, but how we respond to them makes all the difference. We'll share personal anecdotes about how injuries have become significant teachers, compelling us to tune into our bodies and adjust our routines. Modifying yoga practices or incorporating more walking are not just about staying fit; they reflect a deeper understanding of self-love and acceptance. Feelings of sadness and youthful exuberance coexist in this stage of life, and we discuss how acknowledging and embracing these emotions can lead to a more fulfilling life.
Finally, we delve into the profound experiences of grief and change during midlife, exploring the emotional transitions and identity shifts, particularly in women around the age of 50. Brenda shares her motherhood journey, while Catherine discusses the unique challenges of entering this phase without having had children. We reflect on the importance of self-compassion and the transformative power of desire, encouraging listeners to engage more authentically with their aspirations.
By fostering stronger connections and personal growth, we invite you to reflect on your experiences and extend more love to yourself. Join us on this insightful journey and let's redefine what it means to thrive after 50.
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If you'd like to learn more about 1:1 or group coaching with Brenda or Catherine message them and book a Sales Call to learn more.
Email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
Instagram:
@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
@CoachCatherineN
Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2:I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine.
Speaker 1:And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student, even after decades of inner work.
Speaker 2:We are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1:On the Desires Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire, piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Welcome back everyone. Hello friends, I am here with the lovely Brenda. Hey, brenda.
Speaker 2:Hey Catherine.
Speaker 1:So today we have an interesting topic that we're talking about. So normally we have like, oh, we want this, we have this particular marker or this particular point. Today, you guys are going to go on a little bit of a journey with us. We're going to begin with becoming 50 and the things that I didn't know about at becoming 50. So I'm 15 and a half. Brenda's a little older than I, and I've started to feel this pain the other day and I'm like, oh, my hip's hurting this. That Brenda's like do you have ibuprofen 800? I was like yes, but I want to save that ibuprofen 800 for a day when I really need it. Brenda's like you really need it now? She's like take it now.
Speaker 1:And honestly, friends, I had so much resistance, I was thinking, but nothing happened. I didn't fall like nothing is broken. What am I doing taking this? Then I'm talking to my trainer, who's also over 50, and he's like, oh, sometimes I pull a muscle in the shower. I'm like this is great, I had no idea that these things happen.
Speaker 1:And no, today's episode isn't going to be all on desire and mobility, although I'm sure we could have an episode on that alone. Today is more about, like, what happens when we hit a location in our lives that it's like surprise, almost like a birthday cake Surprise. All of these things are changing my body's, changing my menses is somewhat different. I'm not fully in menopause, just sometimes I'm maybe earlier, sometimes I'm later. That might be TMI, if there's any men listening, but women, you get what I'm talking about and these are things that happen, but we don't necessarily talk about it. I think we talk about the cuckoo places, like when you lose your mind, when you have a hot flash, when your period is completely gone, you're no longer bleeding, right, brenda? These are the things that are most talked about, but there are other locations that I have found in this journey that people aren't really talking about. What are you thinking about what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:I'm thinking that you're right about all of this and I don't even think people are talking about menopause and perimenopause that much. That's not something I even ever knew about. I didn't even know it was a thing until I was older. It was just like a mystery. It's just like a mystery how older women look different. I didn't ever have anyone talking to me about perimenopause or menopause. I didn't even know perimenopause was a thing, maybe until I was in it. So it's great that we're talking about these things. And getting older is quite a ride. Sometimes you sprain your toe and you don't even know how. Or you crick your neck and somebody's like well, how did you do that? Well, I was breathing.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's funny, it's a breathing injury, a breathing injury there is a reality that our bodies are changing, and then there's also a reality that we can live to well over 100 and accomplish great things. And I love how, in episode 36, we talked with Karen Fitzgerald, who talked about growing older and not buying old. Like, you don't have to buy this idea that you're getting old. You don't have to buy the idea that you're going to be on medicine and you're going to need surgery and it's just going to be downhill, the idea that you're going to be on medicine and you're going to need surgery and it's just going to be downhill. Because I think there is that narrative in our culture that it's all downhill. Once you turn 50, it all goes downhill. Your body goes to crap. You know, you feel like crap. What medicines are you on? And it doesn't have to be that way. So I think it's great to just talk about a different way of being. And what does it really mean to turn 50? What is it like from two of us who are in our 50s at the time of recording this? I will be 56 in August, in a few weeks and that feels sensational.
Speaker 2:I love turning 50. I don't know how you could share how you feel about 50, but I loved turning 50. I watched one of my teachers turn 50. She was a year older than me and, oh, she just like, owned it, you know, like Beyonce on the stage with so much power and wisdom and it she showed me how to turn 50. And I feel like I've been stepping into that ever since, um and now I was in my early fifties. Now I'm going to be 56, which is a different category. I'm like, oh, rounding up over here, rounding up to 60, which feels more sensational. So I still stand by what I said. It doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to actually mean anything, but my mind definitely can come in and get scared and wonder, well, how much time is there actually left? Will I be physically okay to do the things that I love to do? So these are some of the things that are coming up for me.
Speaker 1:Yes, thank you. You asked me what I thought when I turned 50. It was another day. I had a gorgeous lunch birthday date with my family and I spent it exactly how I wanted to spend it Surrounded by family, feeling very loved. It was a really nice time. Now I am we're on month seven of the year. Well, no, are we in August yet? We are in August now.
Speaker 2:Jesus. We're in August now. Catherine is forgetting the months.
Speaker 1:Senior moment. So I am beyond like 50 and a half. So 50 and a half would be June. So we're in August, here now of 2024. And I had the hiccup where, oh, my hip bothered me and I had to take ibuprofen.
Speaker 1:I'm talking to different people that are older and they're like, oh, yes, you get a crink here, crink there. And then I have other friends who are younger. My younger friends are like, yes, you need to have mobility exercises so you can stay. And I'm like, hmm, you know, wisdom is such a funny thing. I think we're wise at every age, every marker of our lives. We definitely pick things up, like you could look at a one-year-old and you're like, wow, this baby couldn't do this at six months. Look what they're doing at one year. Wow, look what they're doing at two years. They couldn't do this at a year. We definitely have markers of wisdom as we grow. And then there are certain things that you don't know until you're there. So somebody in their 20s and 30s can tell me what it feels like to do mobility exercises in your 50s and how it helps X, y or Z. But until you're in your 50s doing mobility exercises, I won't know if it actually helps X, y or Z.
Speaker 1:I have had times in my life where I've done more cardio and less cardio. I'm just going to talk about my relationship to exercise a little bit. I've definitely been somewhat of an adrenaline junkie so I liked the CrossFit, the boot camps, the orange theories, the soul cycles, anything that had a lot of adrenaline. And when I started looking at my hair and mineral analysis Clara we've had her on before was like you're engaging in exercises where your cortisol is all over the place. We need to do something about that. So the one thing that I have not really put down has been weight training. So I weight train. That has been my regular thing in my life.
Speaker 1:I enjoy having a sense of feeling strong in my body, that I can lift this or pick up that. That's sort of my health marker, I think. If I can't run five kilometers or 10 kilometers, that's one thing, but if I can't go up five flights of stairs, I think I'd feel a lot worse. Like, all of us have our own litmus test. My litmus test is can I lift something? So there's that sense of physical body.
Speaker 1:Or earlier this year I had my thumb go numb and I was going to the chiro and the acupuncturist. I'm like what is happening Turns out it was the pillow, because when I stopped using that pillow, my finger was fine and I was thinking, oh my goodness, I have a neurological issue. I would never have thought about a neurological issue if I was in my 30s. I would have just thought like, oh, this is so strange, how am I getting this kinky in my neck that is causing this sort of finger pinky going? Numb response.
Speaker 1:But so why this topic? Why 50s, menopause and other things? Because I started to notice, oh, I wasn't really prepared for this, because there are other things that are happening at the same time. So the truth of the matter is I still do have my menses, so that means that I'm also fertile, right, I do still attract attention from the opposite sex, which means that, yes, I still have pheromones and my body is still screaming like give me a baby. And it's such a strange thing to straddle.
Speaker 1:And I was talking to Brenda about it. I said it's so bizarre to receive attention in this way. And, for those of you that may not know, I do dye my hair. Brenda does not. And I was like maybe this has to do with dyeing my hair, maybe there's still a youthful, maybe I'm still wrapping like I have not fully let go of some I don't know youthful activities. Let's call it that. Don't have me then embrace my 50s marker in the same way where the world is giving me feedback that says, oh, you're supposed to be young and agile. And then I move in a certain way and my hip is like you are not as youthful and as agile as you think you are or as you used to be. So there's some in real time life conflicts that begin to occur, that begin to show you oh yes, babe, we're not 21 anymore. What are you hearing, brenda?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, you're not 21 anymore. Um, yeah, it's really I think it happens slowly how our body starts to change. And I mean my first injury that felt like was because I was getting older. I was doing zumba, that dance, aerobics kind of thing, and I whacked my hip or something and it was really painful and it took me a long time to get back to feeling better. And I have a muscle injury right now that I've been working with for a really long time and it might be time to take the next step in that.
Speaker 2:So I'm just hearing you say and it's true, how our bodies change and there's markers along the way and what I want to say is that all of these little injuries, instances with our bodies are, for me, great teachers. Like this particular injury that I have in my pyromorphous muscle has been an incredible teacher for me at age 55. It has really taught me to be in deeper resonance with my body, because I cannot override it. I cannot do things that don't feel good, where I think I could have gotten away with that in my 20s and 30s and really even 40s, I was able to kind of move through something quicker that was painful in my body, heal quicker, not have to do that much to heal. And now I'm like, oh, I have this injury and I have to have a lot of attention on healing it, feeling good and attuning to what my body needs in each moment. And I don't want this injury. I don't particularly like it, but it's been a really beautiful teacher for me.
Speaker 2:I've just attuned my entire morning yoga practice. I've learned can I do this pose? Oh, this pose that I love so much, this pose that, like triangle say, that opens my whole body up. I love the way it feels in my heart and my back and my chest. And I can't do it right now. And it took me a couple of weeks to realize that.
Speaker 2:And I want to do that pose so much. But the real true loving act is to skip it right now. And there was a I do yoga more every morning and I've done that for 15, 16 years. So when I skipped it for a week a couple of weeks ago because of this injury, it was a really big deal and it was really hard for me to do. It was really hard for me to give myself that space and probably our self-love series that we've been doing it's been impacting me so much that I really sat with it and I was like, oh, I need to not do yoga, and it felt so loving, it felt so like such a beautiful gift to give myself to not do the yoga.
Speaker 1:I think they definitely make us have to find a different way to move, like for you it was no yoga, for me it was no hardcore, so that meant that, okay, I wasn't going to do a high intense cardio, all right. So now I'm picking up 10,000 steps a day. That meant tons more walking, which is time right. 10,000 steps versus an hour class. You're looking at maybe 90 minutes of X, y or Z.
Speaker 2:Exactly, I'm doing that as well. So I, every morning I have this foam roller and I roll out my IT bands on both sides and my muscles and I'm doing that a couple of times a day. And then I have some other exercises that my chiropractor gave me and I'm doing those periodically through the day, even when we're podcasting. You know, I'm standing up, you know, after recording, and I'm always mindful of my body, I guess.
Speaker 1:I'm grateful for them.
Speaker 2:I guess I'm grateful for the lessons and we don't get to decide how the lessons come to us in life, but it's been a really self loving time for me.
Speaker 1:For me it's been less about what whether I'm grateful for it or not grateful for it, whether I'm grateful for it or not grateful for it. The thing that I'm mindful of is that it is different. Like, you can still maintain a certain weight, you can still maintain a certain level of activity, and there is a reality that your body may change in particular ways. And if you're a woman, at the very least there will come a point, when you start to hit 50s, when you're perimenopausal and your period starts to somewhat change, where your period will end and it is a big change in the body. For some women maybe it's like hallelujah, the day couldn't have come fast enough. For other women it may be different and with that comes the change of less strength, right, less muscle composition. Like there is a reality of how we have to treat our bodies somewhat differently as we age and we are not built like men. And so, contrary to popular, contrary to popular day you know day-to-day conversations out here in the women men digestive, I don't know, I don't even want a political conversation we are not built like men. We don't have the same muscle capacity, the same muscle fibers. It does change. It's interesting. I don't want to go too far into this, that just came into my mind. But we are sold at every point in our life right now, in our capitalist, consumerist society, that we can do it all. And the truth of the matter is that we have limits, that we are not bionic humans. We are humans and we will have changes, and right now we're talking about the changes that we somewhat know about. Everybody kind of has an idea of all right, you get older, your period ends, maybe you potentially stop bleeding, maybe you have a little bit less muscle mass, maybe your sleep changes. All right, there are these things that are manageable. Right, we can sort of manage. All right, brenda has some pain. She stands up, she walks around, she rolls her IT. I pop some ibuprofen. All right, we're sort of in relationship or in the dance with what's occurring. We're sort of in relationship or in the dance with what's occurring.
Speaker 1:The interesting thing that started happening to me recently I'm not quite sure if I've spoken about it in depth or not on the podcast yet, which is why we're recording this is that I started to notice as I observed my mind. It wasn't necessarily being critical, it wasn't the inner critic or the punisher that was super loud in my brain. I was like, oh wow, I am thinking differently, like I normally can observe my thoughts and I can pull myself out of a hole rather quickly, and oh wow, I am not able to pull myself out of this hole in the same way. And I came to Brenda and I went to many friends. I was like and what do you think this is? And what do you think this is?
Speaker 1:And some people in their 50s, some women, were like oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. And I was like nobody told me that this was going to happen. I was like nobody said to me hey, your brain will potentially change a little bit. I was not necessarily prepared for that, and so it had me go into some self-inquiry and I started to ask people hey, what do you think, brenda, do you remember when I came to you? Because Brenda did this loving exercise with me? I do.
Speaker 2:I remember. Yeah, it's a great inquiry that you were talking about. Do you want to say more about it?
Speaker 1:Well, first I wanted to ask you do you remember what it was like for you? Did your mind have any changes during that time? Did you see any pro, either plus or minus in negative thinking? Did something psychologically start to change for you? Can you remember?
Speaker 2:It's a really good question. I don't know if I can honestly answer that Because I think I've been through some pretty big transformation in the last few years and I don't know that I could separate the two and I think I I think when hearing that, oh, you might get brain fog or foggy or not have as much mental clarity, and that felt, that felt true, so that that was really good to know.
Speaker 1:I started to talk to other women who, some of whom, are on the path. I'm going to lean on what brenda said a little later, but one of the things that had popped up was oh, there's a change in estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. There's an actual change happening in the body hormonally. Where your body's not like oh, we're going to create something, whether it's life or something else, in the tangible, where you're not pumping so much. I don't know if they call it estradiol, but let's just call it for layman's terms. Let's just say estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, Progesterone is going to help with the discernment of what we're doing between all this creation of estrogen. Tristosterone is going to help us get it out right, Get it out there, create it.
Speaker 1:And once that starts to change, well, something also changes in you. You don't have the same. Well, something also changes in you. You don't have the same, I don't know, gusto, let's call it. And I started to notice that change and I started to get really sad and I was like hey, Brenda, hey BFF, something's going on over here. Your girl's not okay. I was like I am not okay, Something's up right. And Brenda and I started talking about grief. Do you want to jump in on that?
Speaker 2:Well, you're really opening up a whole situation here and it's really true. I think that you know there is a lot of grief in getting older. I have found there is a lot of grief in getting older. I have found there's a lot of grief in it. First of all, I have more access to my feelings because I've lived a few years and I've been through the process of blocking and stuffing everything down and opening up and being able to actually feel and then know how to hold myself. Through that process. That's been like a decade plus in the making and I'm really glad about that, because there's been a lot of grief in getting older.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's just the loss of youth. There's the loss of my body being what it used to be. There's the loss of not that I want more children I don't but there's the loss that I can't and and even though that's not something that I want, it's like it's still there's like a grief that's in my body of change, that I can't do what I once was able to do, that I can't do what I once was able to do and that will not ever come back. That is not coming back and it signifies my mortality. And then here I am here, you are leading back to your conversation. You know you get, I think we get reflective as we get older. We get more reflective because I think we're quieter, we're stiller and we're maybe have more bandwidth to ask ourselves the questions about our life and maybe we know how to hold ourself through it a little bit better than we ever did before.
Speaker 2:And then you know, it's like how did I get here? How did I get here? And maybe there's things in our past that didn't really go the way we wanted. Or maybe we're here now and we're like, oh, this is hard, it's not going the way I thought it would go, and it has you question your life, question your choices, and the one thing about getting older is that you have a lot of years behind you. You've lived a life, you've made a lot of choices, choices so there's maybe more things to look back and say I regret that or I wish I had done that differently, or what would have happened if I did it differently.
Speaker 2:And you know, I've been around this block 875 million times in my mind and my most recent landing is like really accepting my choices of where, of what I've done, learning self-forgiveness and accepting it and like even more opening to it. Even more opening to it. This is my life, all of my choices that I made. That is my life. I can't say I'm going to go back, I wish I didn't, whatever. X, y, z, right, we always say that on this podcast X, y, z. You know I wish I didn't do this or that, but I did and this is my actual life and so to negate the choices that I made in the past is to negate my entire life and that's not okay. Like that's not okay and it's not that I've never done that. I don't mean it's not okay. Like you can't do that, like you can do that as many times as you want, and you could talk to me about it. That I've never done that I don't mean it's not okay. Like you can't do that, like you can do that as many times as you want, and you could talk to me about it, because I've done that so many times. But it's not going to get you anywhere. There's no cheese down that hole. It's just going to keep you in the mental loop and the mental spiral of punishing yourself for your past choices.
Speaker 2:And another place that I've landed is wow, I took some risks. I took risks. We always say that Take a risk, try it, just just take a chance. Right, follow your desire. Well, if you're going to do that, it's not going to always turn out the way you think it will. I would actually go so far as to say it probably won't. It'll take you on a different path. It will take you on a ride when you follow this desire. But I want to live a life where I'm following my desire and taking risks and there's a chance that you're taking in that that you're going to fail or you're going to hurt yourself or someone else, and then you have to live with the after effects of that.
Speaker 2:And I can't tell you how much I've spent beating myself up for some of the choices that I've made, and I think it's probably one of my biggest lessons in life Because through the beating myself up for years, I've learned the deepest of self-compassion, the deepest, like I'm talking real deep down to the core, humble, vulnerable. I accept myself for these choices that I've made. They did not turn out the way I wanted, they caused me difficulties, they've caused people. I love difficulties and I really don't like that, but it was my choice, I took a chance, I followed that thing. And can I accept myself exactly where I am right now, which is here?
Speaker 2:And my answer today is yes, I can, can, and not only can I accept myself, but I am literally sitting on the treasure trove of the gifts of all of that, like I have the wisdom now because of all of those choices that I've made, and now I have the. I have a treasure chest and I like it. It's a. It's a great beautiful treasure chest and it's not all sunshine and roses. You know, there's some dark stuff in there.
Speaker 1:I want to say that's one of the things that comes in 50s. There's definitely reflection. Brenda just spoke about how in her reflection, she has had a chance to be with and bring some compassion in, be okay with the choices she's made, understand that the risks came with some came with rewards, some not and she has found like a a value neutral way about looking at this. When she and I were discussing the sadness that was coming up for me Because my sadness didn't necessarily have a story to it so much it was just like, oh, I feel sad. I could go into story if I wanted, like I could pump the story and start thinking about different things, but if I just stayed still and didn't do that, there was just lots of crying and Brenda had done this gorgeous thing of like just walking me through different decisions that were coming up in that conversation and asking me. Well, maybe asking me is not the best way to describe it we landed in our conversation Just admitting that there is grief. Often in our society we bypass or we're like you know, you did the best you could with what you had, and we're like rah-rah-ing ourselves. And the truth is that there's grief, there's beauty in still being alive and there's beauty in having so much life ahead. We don't know if it's another two hours, like it's another 20 years. The truth of mortality really sets in at this time of life and the truth is that there is grief here. I haven't necessarily surpassed or passed a portal like this in my life, and the truth is that there is grief here. I haven't necessarily surpassed or passed a portal like this in my life. I didn't have children Like Brenda had children, and I know that moms go through this. When they birth children, it's almost like they're birthing themselves into their I don't know into motherhood. It's a completely different stage of life, a completely different stage of being. They have to let go of their maiden. There's so much transition that happens there. There's definitely grief, right, there's postpartum people talk about that.
Speaker 1:But this part, this time of my life, this is the first time that I was really experiencing this and I said, oh wow, this is difficult. I didn't expect this to happen. I didn't necessarily come into it with skill not real skill in being with it. I did come into it with skill of knowing what questions to ask and knowing enough to get curious. I had enough skill to recognize oh wait, something's happening in my internal world that I'm not used to. Oh, there's something different occurring. Oh, wow, this thought process, this sadness, this grief, this is different. I don't recognize this terrain. Oh, I'm sort of going through a moment that, hmm, I haven't really been here before in any, I don't really have anything to compare it to. Almost it's like oh wow, I don't even recognize this thought rollercoaster that's occurring. I don't even know where I am right now in Disneyland. I don't even know what's happening in this rollercoaster. And turning to my closest friends and saying, hey, do you know anything about this? Like, what is this potentially about? What does this mean? And just getting really, really curious.
Speaker 1:I'm hoping that today's conversation will spark some things for listeners. One, if you're under 50, I hope that when you get there, you have a smooth transition and that you know that all is well in love and fifties and this is just something that happens, and that your body changes, your mind changes, there is grief, there is things of letting go. Yes, I would say that's my biggest wish for this, for this episode is that people have an idea, women have an idea. Oh, there is a change that can happen, and if you haven't had children before, it may look different than if you have had children, but this mindset piece of change isn't necessarily something that's spoken of as much, because the other changes are so loud the hot flashes and the not bleeding anymore or potentially not having cramps to potentially having cramps. Or you had more strength, have less strength, had more mobility, have less mobility, were more flexible, are less flexible that sort of.
Speaker 1:There are some things that are a lot more blaring than, oh, my mind is playing tricks on me. I feel somewhat foggy. Oh, things don't feel really clear. I'm sort of second guessing some things that happened in my life. Why is that occurring right now if there's no big catalyst in front of me? I'm not standing over a grenade, yet it still feels like something's really rumbling. Yet it still feels like something's really rumbling. Yes, I think I'm leaving this episode, putting it in the hands of listeners of like how has it been for you? Or what have you noticed? What could you get clearer on? Is there a place or a location where you could love yourself more?
Speaker 2:What are you thinking, brenda. I think those are some really beautiful questions and I want to add in this other piece about reflecting back and looking at where you are now and wondering, maybe, how did I get here? Because that's some of what we talked about in that conversation, and one of the things we talked about, which has been a big part of my journey, is can I look back at my past self and trust that she made the best decision that she could at each step? Can I just trust that instead of finding it wrong? And one of the biggest things I've done that really led to some painful moments is taking what I know now and projecting it back onto my past self. Well, I know this now. If I had only known that back then. And it's such a mental loop that has caused me so much pain.
Speaker 2:And I think, when I look back at my life and I know that we've talked about this part, too, with both of us is you know, at each stage of my life, each of these big choices, some of the things that I ended up beating myself up the most for, um, I made the best decision that I could at each moment. I didn't take any of these things lightly at all, they weren't whimsical. I didn't just wake up and say, oh, I'm going to just do this thing. Everything that I did that was big, was well thought out, and there were some sleepless nights deciding about these things. And can I, can I trust that part of myself that made those decisions and can I love her Because she also got me here?
Speaker 2:And there are no guarantees in life. There's no guarantees about any choice that we make. I know a spot that I was stuck in a lot was I want to make the right choice. I want to make the right choice and I just couldn't decide about some of these things for so long until I heard this speaker who said there is no right choice. I heard this speaker who said there is no right choice. There is no right choice, but you do have to inevitably decide which direction on the road you're going to go, and then that just leads you to the next decision and the next decision. And that's your life. And can you love it? Can you love it in each moment? Can you find acceptance for yourself, compassion, and then make the next best decision from there. What is that?
Speaker 1:definitely just this is such a big conversation, this part of like where we are now and looking at now. Brenda's brilliant at this. Hopefully we will bring a different episode that really touches on that, because you can really go into this from many different angles and I think that the biggest way that we've been taught to do it together as a collective is to beat ourselves, to beat ourselves up to say to ourselves, oh, I was so, you know, that was such a silly decision. Or why did I do that? Oh, I did, I knew better, why did I X, y or Z? And it's not helpful, like it's really not helpful. And I love what you're reminding people to do here, brenda, which is can you just say and accept that whatever you decided, that was the best choice, that that version of you just did know better?
Speaker 2:That was the best choice? And what if that was the best choice? Thank you, everybody, for tuning in with us today. We would love to know your thoughts and your takeaways from today's episode Until next time.
Speaker 1:Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.
