76 ~ Behind the Scenes: The Plot Twist, the Tears, and How We Got Back on Track

In this Behind the Scenes episode we unravel our personal journey of podcasting, marked by unexpected challenges and triumphs. We vulnerably share how the start of 2025 threw curveballs our way, including a tech glitch that swallowed an entire episode, Catherine's bout with sickness and Brenda's dog unexpectedly dying. 

Through these experiences, we discovered the power of balancing desire and fear, and how perfectionism and conflicting desires shape our lives and creative process. We dive into our experiences of navigating desire amidst life's unpredictability, sickness, the overall messiness of living a life led by desire and truth. Embracing authenticity and connection transforms our challenges into valuable life lessons.

Highlights of this episode:
• The personal challenges we faced in January 
• Balance between desire and reality's unpredictabilities 
• Expansion and contraction cycle in life experiences 
• Importance of communication and connection in partnerships 
• How to honor one’s own emotional rhythm and wellbeing 
• Encouraging grace and gentleness during difficult times 
• Reinforcing the significance of showing up authentically for ourselves and others

Chapters

• 0:08 Life Led by Desire
• 10:38 Navigating Life Led by Desire
• 25:14 Navigating Life's Contractions and Expansions
• 41:38 Staying Present Amid Life's Messes

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

Speaker 2: 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine.

Speaker 1: 0:36

And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Even after decades of inner work, we are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

Speaker 1: 1:12

On the Desires Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Welcome back, hello, friends, family, as always, I am joined by my lovely co-host. Wow, what a ride 2025. Friends, I cannot even begin to tell you what behind the scenes. My desire today is to fill you in on all that has been happening so you get to see a little glimpse of how Brenda and I have to also struggle with our own fears, our conflicting desires, how we handle them, what it looks like in our perfectly imperfect lives, how we traverse the terrain when we fall like, when we are experiencing failures, when things are not running smoothly, because the truth is that life isn't always smooth, because the truth is that life isn't always smooth. I've had mentors say and I repeat this often life is 50-50. 50% yum and 50% yuck. So I have definitely experienced some yucky things. So has my co-host, and it put a little bit of a kink for us in our podcasting. So let me tell you what I mean. 2025 came in. Brenda and I were rocking and rolling. We had these great podcasts, like we had Word of the Year and we had an End of Year. We dropped two episodes the week of Christmas. It felt so generous. We had some episodes recorded and edited. They were in the vault because both she and I really value family and Brenda was going to be traveling. I wasn't going to be traveling until the end of January, so I wasn't so worried about that and we were like, okay, great, we're all set. We're set to like the first week of January as far as recordings, we're able to drop every Wednesday. We're excited, we're psyched. It feels so good on our nervous system when we just have some episodes recorded and ready to rock and roll to share with everyone. And ready to rock and roll to share with everyone Because they serve a dual well. Actually, I want to say they serve three purposes. First purpose, right, is that we have a podcast. It's called the Desire as Medicine podcast and our desire is to drop podcasts. We further then want to drop once a week. And then our nervous system feels really good when we have some in the bank. So they're sort of in a vault somewhere, as if you could think of a bank. Sometimes we have one week, sometimes we have four weeks. It's really feels good to be like four weeks out. So having a bank helps the body, or at least our bodies overall, just sort of relax into when we show up and we meet once a week. We meet come hell or high water, like we're meeting once a week in one way or another. Sometimes we're on the phone, sometimes we're just texting back and forth if that's all we have, and sometimes we're meeting just to stay connected and we're not even recording right. And then 2025 came in, feeling really good. I told you about some of the episodes. Then we had Sarah on, which was great. So lovely to have her. She's like Brenda. She came very highly edified by Brenda. Brenda's like she's amazing. I'm like great. Podcast was great. We have Shane on Shane's talking about fear Another amazing episode. They actually have had really high download counts. People have really loved them.

Speaker 1: 5:12

We dropped another toolbox edition on the universal list, which, if you haven't listened to any of these, please go check them out. Highly recommend, loved them all. And then we I can only giggle listen to any of these. Please go check them out. Highly recommend, loved them all. And then I can only giggle because on the 7th of January for me, I completely just got sick and was out of commission. When I say sick, I mean I wasn't feeling better until about the 26th of January, so easily three weeks out, three plus weeks out. In the middle of that, somewhere Brenda and I meet, maybe the 15th or somewhere around those. It was about two weeks later after I got sick. I can hear it in my voice on the recording, but anyway, we're like in it.

Speaker 1: 6:05

Brenda and I are excited we're doing this and we record an episode on fear of which, unfortunately, you guys will not hear because part of it just disappeared. We had a tech glitch and it just went to podcast. Either hell or heaven, I don't really know, but it just went away and it's gone. So the part of the recording that we were able to salvage doesn't really make sense. So it's like what I have a desire. I'm a podcaster, I have a co-host, I was sick and then I was getting ready to travel and it just was not working out. And sometimes things don't work out and like, how do we stay in the room when things aren't working out? How do we stay in the room where there's just so many things happening?

Speaker 1: 6:59

And my perfectionist there's a part of me that wants things done a particular way. I want the podcast to have a particular storyline arc. I almost want to feel like Chandra Rimes, like this is my week's episode Desire as Medicine podcast, as if it was Grey's Anatomy. This is what it looks like and yeah, folks, the recording was gone. There's nothing in the bank right now. We were going to potentially try to salvage the fear episode today and it just didn't feel right.

Speaker 1: 7:29

So we're bringing to you the behind the scenes so that you can, I guess, share with us in our moment of what it feels like when you want things to happen in a particular way. You have a form you want it to happen in, so that it feels good, and it's just not happening. And other things are happening in life. So for me, I felt a bit deflated, while at the same time committed to record and to show up, because ultimately, my desire is that everybody knows what it's like to live a life led by desire, and part of how I commit to that is by showing up. So for me, I felt kind of like ah, I hate that this is happening, and now I get to share with you that I hate that this is happening. Brenda, how has this timeframe been for you?

Speaker 2: 8:38

Thank you for that, catherine. Living a life led by desire. I think that's like the foundation of what we're talking about here, and what came up for me when you were talking about all of this is living a life led by desire is you don't really know what's going to happen. There's no guarantee. You know you're kind of sometimes, you know, just free flowing. You know we're working with what's true and being present with what actually is. We're honoring our own energy, our capacity. We don working with what's true and being present with what actually is. We're honoring our own energy, our capacity. We don't go with force. We take good care of ourselves behind the scenes and we really prepare. And even with all of that, there's really no guarantee. And so living a life led by desire is being with what is present and going on the ride of life. Life takes you on a ride and it really does take some self-love and care for yourself. And care for yourself and in our own connection between you and I, catherine, honesty connection, talking it through, sitting through all. You know the difficult moments when we lost our episode and we thought we were on this great roll and then, oh, we're not on a roll at all Like every, the kind of a bottom fell out a little bit right and just being present with that. I know that we've both been on our own journey and built up our own personal capacity for being with that and we couldn't have really this wouldn't have gone so well a year ago Like we've really started. We've been doing this podcast. I think we have 74, 75 episodes. This will be 76. And it's taken us this long to really build up our capacity to be with it when the bottom falls out. And this is a life led by desire. You know we're not pushing through in full transparency, since we're giving you listeners a behind the scenes. We had a bunch of episodes. We like things in the bank. It's like having money in the bank. It just feels really good and we like to have episodes in the bank.

Speaker 2: 10:57

Going back to December, we spent a lot of time recording and really building up our bank and we felt great about it. And I want to say we felt so freaking great about it that we dropped two episodes on Christmas. We dropped one on Christmas Eve and one on Christmas day and that was a real sign of our expansion, of all the work and time and commitment and energy and love that we put into ourselves and this podcast and each other, and that was a real expansion to Drop Two on Christmas. And what came up for me when you were introing this episode was that after expansions there are natural contractions. It's just the way it goes.

Speaker 2: 11:45

And we are in winter. It is a time where things kind of go into hibernation a little bit. I wouldn't say that we're in hibernation, but we did have an expansion and I would say that we have had a contraction. I would say that in January, desires Medicine, brenda and Catherine all of us have had a contraction. I would say that in January, desires Medicine, brenda and Catherine all of us have had a contraction and it's been hard in some ways and it's also been really beautiful in a lot of ways Say more Beautiful.

Speaker 1: 12:22

In what ways? In a lot of ways, say more beautiful.

Speaker 2: 12:29

In what ways? Beautiful? Okay, I'm going to try and frame this. So Catherine has influenced me beautifully with this podcast. She holds a really big pole for dropping every week. I don't think that if I had my own podcast I would do that and so I have really grown in that commitment and it's been beautiful. That commitment that I've had here with this podcast has expanded me in my own life and inside of that.

Speaker 2: 13:04

I don't even remember what the day was, but there was one day where I was just I don't know. We were supposed to record, things weren't going well. I don't remember the circumstances Maybe, maybe you do and Catherine said to me let's just not record, we just won't drop this week, let's just not record, we just won't drop this week. And that touched me so deeply because it's so important to her to drop every week and we don't do it by force, it's with commitment and showing up for ourselves. It's very different energy and I was really touched by that when you said it and I was able to really receive the beauty of that and the love of the truth of that and then also return it back when you were sick and we were supposed to record.

Speaker 2: 13:55

There was one day a few weeks ago, early January, where we had a whole recording day and we had a whole docket of what we were going to record who even knows what that was anymore? And Catherine was sick there's no way that she could have recorded. We didn't meet and then it went on for quite a while. She was sick, for much longer than she expected or wanted and I was like, oh okay, we're not recording, Even though I was like ready to go, so psyched about what we were going to record. My friend is unable, and so there's something really beautiful in that, in being present with the truth and being really compassionate and putting your agenda aside for the presence and love and compassion of your partner. So that's what I mean by it was really beautiful. That's just one example.

Speaker 1: 14:53

There's many. I appreciate that reminder. Yes, I do remember something was happening for you and I just thought maybe we don't record and I do remember you receiving it so graciously. And it's true, I don't know if I would have had, prior to this podcast, an example of what that looks like. So, yes, I have a commitment. I hold a poll for dropping once a week. Every week, dropping on a particular day. It hasn't been completely consistent. Yes, this will be episode 76. It hasn't been completely consistent. Yes, this will be episode 76. It hasn't been consistent the whole time.

Speaker 1: 15:31

Sometimes we drop on a Thursday. On occasion it's been a Friday, but it's either been possible because we've had recordings in the bank or we've really batched, and honoring what's true is not always convenient. We even had a guest, a lovely guest, that we want to bring to you guys, but I'm not even going to say who it is. We've attempted to record with this person a few times and it just hasn't fallen through. And this is just another time where we had to say I'm so sorry. So, to give an example, or I was sick for about seven days before I saw the doctor. Then he put me on antibiotics for 10 days and I wasn't really feeling better until about the 10th day. So it was about two and a half weeks before I actually started to feel better. When we canceled that recording with our guest, I even had lost my voice. When we say I was sick, I was super sick. There was no way we could do it and I don't even know how I showed up for the fear episode that we recorded that we had so many tech issues on it. It was the first time we experienced that. We've had tech issues on it. It was the first time we experienced that, like, we've had tech issues. Clearly, we are recording on a platform it's software. There will have issues, that sort of thing but our software just closed out in the middle of us talking. We thought we had it. We didn't. I don't even know how my voice lasted that day, but Brenda just said something you know, like it hasn't been my force.

Speaker 1: 17:11

We've been able to drop once a week, not by forces, by commitment and by proper planning, like saying to ourselves okay, if you're going to be in Asheville on this day, if I'm going to be I traveled to Canada in January if I'm going to be over there, like, how do we maneuver things so that it feels good, so that we can show up for one another, we can show up for the podcast and, yes, this is a behind the scenes, but at the same time it's a behind the scenes for you to see how we live our lives, led by desire, led by truth, led by life force. And how do we still show up, create what we want to create while life is still lifing, like life is still happening. Like I said originally or earlier in this recording, sometimes 50% of life just is yuck. It's not what we want. And I can't get stuck on the dot right Like. I can't get stuck on the form of what it looks like. I can't get stuck on the dot right Like I can't get stuck on the form of what it looks like.

Speaker 1: 18:10

There have been times where, even though I want to drop every Wednesday for X, y or Z reasons, we have to move the recording date because maybe I'm sick or I lost my voice, or I offer it to Brenda, even if she's like no, I'm good, I can show up for this. I have a level of commitment to do it and we have to have like a realistic line of grace for one another, for who we're in relationship with, for what we have committed to, for how we want to show up in creation. To show up in creation. We don't want to show up for something come hell or high water and kill the very essence of the thing that brings us joy. We want to do it in such a kind and loving way all around, that it feels good to be there, I know.

Speaker 2: 19:05

I think there's a spaciousness that comes in when you do that. There's a spaciousness when you have grace, because if you are going by force and you're pushing through, it gets very tight, gets tight in my body, it gets tight in the room and I don't really find that the results of that have been really juicy. It blocks creativity, it blocks creative life force, right, or creativity. And so if we're just with what's true and follow the breadcrumbs of that, we kind of end up in this beautiful place anyway and we end up recording. It's a funny little paradox, right, because either way we were going to record, either force it or you follow the truth. And I think we've had a lot of grace with ourselves. And there were some times where, you know, we had a lot of things in the bank and and then we lost our fear episode which we would have dropped to this week. We tried to piece it together. It was not true to do, even though it was. There were a lot of good things in it. Not the first time we've tossed an episode, maybe won't be the last, but you know we plan the best that we can and then, like you said, life happens and there's no way, when we planned in December, that we could have foreseen what January would have brought. I think it's a really good reminder to remember that. First of all, after the holidays, I do generally get very tired. I think it's a really good reminder to remember that, first of all, after the holidays, I do generally get very tired. I just need some rest. There is a natural going down that happens around the new year. You know, it's winter, it's the holidays, it's kind of a time to hunker down. I know that I do that, but I didn't expect what came next, like just as I was getting better and getting energy back, I was in Asheville with my family for a month.

Speaker 2: 20:53

As I was leaving Asheville, my car was packed with my partner and my dog. And now just a little backstory. My dog had not been doing well. We were just noticing he's not doing well. We thought it was the travel, because we've been on an adventure for the past few months. And there was just this moment that hit me one week into January, where I looked at him and this truth landed in my body oh, my God, he's dying. I had no information of what that meant, but we took him right to the vet with our car packed. We were planning on leaving Asheville to find out that he had lymphoma and he was dying and there was really nothing that we could do, and that was devastating because he was only eight years old and he had many years left. So that was shocking. It was a shock to the system and this was exactly the time when Catherine was sick.

Speaker 2: 21:52

And the thing about our third and usually in partnerships it's only one of us crying at a time A lot of times, a lot of the behind the scenes is Catherine and I connecting and talking and just sharing life, and we are, you know, dear friends, and usually it's only one of us crying at the same time and the other one's, like, doing pretty good. So one person could kind of take the reins a little bit more. But in January, folks, we were both under the weather. Catherine was super sick, we had to cancel our podcast guest for the third time and I was dealing with my dog dying and he died within the week. And that was you said January 7th. You got this that you were sick. That was the same within a day that I found out that my dog was dying, and so we were both out at the same exact time and we had some things in the bank so we're able to drop them.

Speaker 2: 22:57

But it's taken us some time to kind of get back on our feet and get our strength back, and I've been doing that. I was recently in Denver and I was in this great city and mostly I just hung out in the hotel room and drank green juice and took care of myself and Catherine's over here on the mend. So it takes a while to get back into it and we just have to have grace with ourselves. But we were both out at the same time is the point, and that was really hard because there was no one to hold the reins. Oh wait, but you know what? You know who was holding the reins? She's looking at me.

Speaker 2: 23:37

Our third, the third of this podcast, the creation that we've made was actually holding both of us. I feel like I want to cry saying that was actually holding both of us. I feel like I want to cry saying that. But the what, what we created, this podcast, actually held us through, because we've created a system and systems inside of systems that really work, that we've built up over time, and that is what held us through. I'm really proud of that.

Speaker 1: 24:08

I'm really proud of that too. Thank you for the reminder of systems. I'm trying to think of an analogy for our listeners of what that looks like in, you know, outside of, let's say, the podcast dynamic. So one of the systems would be that could translate is that Brenda and I talk once a week at the very least, and if not, we check in sort of like throughout the week to see how things are moving, how things are evolving, to sort of check in with one another. So if we were in relationship or just in friendship, that's a great system to have because you know how the other is doing and you sort of have a pulse on what's happening for them.

Speaker 1: 24:48

Earlier today, when Brenda and I were talking, we were talking about fear, because that was the episode that sort of got trashed today. And it's true, we have killed many little darlings, as they say podcast darlings, for whatever X, y or Z reasons. Sometimes we record something and it's too vulnerable to share and then we're like did I just say that for the whole world? And it's just like delete. And I'm good with that. But back to our third and systems. We were talking and I said to Brenda oh, I feel your body and it feels like something's happening and Brenda right now is at high altitude and she was describing yes, I'm in high sensation and these are systems. We could call it systems when you think of, like a software system or your hard drive or, I don't know, google Chrome. But what we mean, even when we say systems, is do you check in with the people that you're creating with? Do you check in with the people that you're doing life with? Do you feel into the bodily systems, like the nervous systems of the people that you're creating with? It's important to do that because they are half of the equation and you want to have a feel for how the whole ecosystem is doing. So, yes, I would agree, I hadn't thought about that, but the systems within the podcast our third definitely did hold us.

Speaker 1: 26:22

We did have ways of staying connected and thinking about ways of staying connected and thinking about, okay, what's next? And that would bring me to sharing with you guys, like one of the best ways to get back on track when things fall off is what's the next step, like what's the smallest next step for me. So I see my Cairo once a week. I love that system of self-care and normally it's on a Wednesday and today's a Wednesday. But the truth is that I needed more time and space with Brenda and Brenda's like, no, don't cancel it. Definitely you can make the appointment.

Speaker 1: 27:07

But I was like I don't want to feel so compressed. I'm just coming out of a cold and, yes, it would be very supportive to my body to go do this, but my body's really not doing that bad. I'm getting over a cold, I'm okay. I don't necessarily have any pain anywhere or I'm not traveling. My immune system isn't at the brink for X, y or Z reason right now, but the podcast does need my attention. Us, our third needs my attention.

Speaker 1: 27:43

So that meant that I had to forego that and do this, and I share this, because last week we talked about choice point and the truth is that these are the little choices that we make along the way that show the universe what's important to us and reinforces even to ourselves, like, oh, I really desire this. Yes, I really want to show up for the podcast. Yes, I really want to drop. I really want to share, not just of my life, but talk about desire and a life led by desire. And what does that look like on a day-to-day basis? And what better way to show than to show and tell, like to show how it shows, how desire shows up in our lives, how we work through the pieces when things are kind of I guess today would be falling apart and how do we create that space for ourselves so that we can do the smallest next step when we are falling off?

Speaker 2: 28:43

I love this part of the conversation we're talking about how do you get back on track, no-transcript about what is the next best step, and I really appreciate this idea of I don't want to just jam pack my schedule and just go back to how it's always been because your capacity isn't the same, and just go back to how it's always been because your capacity isn't the same and I would say for myself, for me, a next best step, which was today, since we're doing behind the scenes. I just got to the mountains in Colorado. I'm at a pretty high altitude. I was a little nervous about it. I had to go over this Berthoud Pass, which was super high and just had some fear around that, which I moved through and it was absolutely beautiful. But I've been moving and the high altitude really affected my body.

Speaker 2: 29:56

And the way I needed to show up in order to get to this moment here was getting on this call with Catherine like three hours ago and having radical honesty. It's like where am I right now? I cannot bypass that ever. I just can't bypass it and just act like everything's okay or just show up to record for anything. I need to be present with what is and that looks different, different times. In this case, since we're in a project together, being honest with Catherine and sharing where I am and just you know, in full transparency, just letting some tears come through, crying, sharing some fears and just moving through it and being being present, I think it's a really loving act to do that.

Speaker 2: 30:50

Those are the next steps of getting back on track, Because you don't just jump back on the train. You know, I think it's. It's a false idea that you just get, you're just better, you just you're just back on track. No, there's a transition period, because we have bodies and we have emotions and they want to be tended to and when you tend to them, it's actually much faster than trying to avoid or resist. The resistance is the worst. The resistance or the pretending that everything's okay and everything's back on track and I could do everything. No, you can't.

Speaker 1: 31:32

We can pretend. Yeah, we can pretend.

Speaker 2: 31:37

We can pretend or override override your body, Like I remember when I was teaching, I would have like maybe a week and a half or two weeks off for Christmas holiday. I would come back after new year and that wasn't a regular work day for me. I mean it was in the sense of oh, the school day is happening, I'm a teacher, I have to show up. But I made it really good for myself Even before I knew about all of this that we're talking about. I made it really good for myself and I kept it really easy and I didn't make any big plans that first week back, because I knew that after a week and a half of holiday and eating chocolate and playing with my kids, that I needed a transition period to get myself back on track. And I created a lot of space, a lot of space for myself. Space is grace. That was very corny, but that's true.

Speaker 1: 32:28

No space, I think is not just great, but helpful.

Speaker 1: 32:34

I want to say like space is really helpful. I like where we're going here. You, Brenda, spoke about the expansion we had around Christmas. I had not thought about that, but it makes complete sense now that you bring it forth. Yes, we did have a huge expansion. I remember being super excited and being like, oh yes, we're going to drop these two during this week and it felt like no big deal. Well, haha, jokes on me. Now. Week and it felt like no big deal. Well, haha, joke's on me. Now I can see that it's a big deal. Brenda was like, I think this is an expansion for us. I was like, oh, it's going to be great. Now I'm like, oh, I really didn't.

Speaker 1: 33:14

I don't think I gave that act the gravity that it deserved, potentially because contraction naturally follows an expansion. That's sort of like universal law. And yes, if we're looking at expansion and contraction, another way of describing it is transition time, and space is really needed in that because essentially, what happens? I'm thinking of a different episode, that toolbox episode that we dropped, which was the havingness expander. But whenever you have more, give more, stretch, more right. But whenever you have more, give more, stretch, more right. There's like a natural snap back in and eventually there's a sort of settling where it's a little bit bigger, we have more capacity, and I'm sure that comes even with more systems or other things in place. But I had not really thought about this being part of the overall contraction, because it's really not convenient to think of that If every time we had an expansion or we thought we were on the brink of expansion, we thought about the contraction, we would never stretch, it just would not, at least for me.

Speaker 1: 34:36

I'd be too afraid. I'm like no, I don't know what comes after this, but it's okay, it passes. It doesn't last forever. This too shall pass. I am sort of on the mend. Yes, I didn't jump right back in, even though I had conflicting desires, desires Overall. I can't say that I desire for space, but I do desire for smoothness, Like I want things to feel I think you said free flowing earlier, Brenda, I don't know if it's necessarily I want it to feel free flowing, but I want to feel grounded, I want to feel in my element, in my genius, and that things are just sort of moving at a pace that I can really go with. Just yesterday, by three, four o'clock I had had a full day and I hit my wall. Normally I'm hitting my wall around five or six. Three or four is really early, but it makes sense if, ultimately, we're in a contracted space.

Speaker 2: 35:43

It does, it makes a lot of sense and it's really important to honor your capacity. I think we've both done a really good job with that, individually and together with our podcast. We've done a really good job of honoring the contraction. And I think that if we go back to living a life led by desire and wanting more and wanting to expand and we do want to expand this podcast we want more listeners, we want more great guests, we want to expand our own capacity to have it. It really I think that you do know that there is a contraction that happens. It's good to be aware of that and, like you said, you don't want to be like, oh no, I'm going to expand and then I'm going to contract. But I think in my ambient attention, it's great to know oh, I'm in an expansion, something huge is happening and there might be a contraction afterwards. Now you don't need to give that any attention, you don't need to worry about it or go on the ride of it, but it really is nice to have it in your ambient attention and say, oh, this is an expansion, so that when the contraction happens and it might be really small, it might be super small, it doesn't have to be small. Big. This was a big one. For us, this was a really big contraction and I think it's really great to notice that it was a contraction and we have a couple of great episodes on that, like the Havingness Expander episode 69. And we talk about that in 68,.

Speaker 2: 37:10

Also, how to create lasting change, because we're talking about a life led by desire, means that you want more, and that's okay to want more. Just because you have your desire doesn't mean that you're done desiring things. It's not greedy to want more If there's something deep in your soul that's running through your body that's saying I got married, oh, and now I want children. Whatever the thing is for you, it's good to want more. We're supposed to have an enjoyable, full life with our creativity and our life force running through us. That is why we're here on this planet.

Speaker 2: 37:55

So in order to do that, we need to be able to build our capacity for more, and that takes time, and part of that is noticing that after an expansion, there is often a contraction and you don't need to make a problem. This is a really big point that I want to say, and this came up this morning when I was crying to Catherine. I was saying I could see objectively. I'm having a reaction to high altitude. Maybe I'm tired because we've been traveling, but there's really no problem. I don't need to go on the ride of any problem. I just can see it for what it is, stay neutral with it and take the next best steps with whatever I'm doing in my life, love.

Speaker 1: 38:39

This I'm thinking of. We're talking about expansion and contraction, and you gave the example of what you were talking about earlier today when we were chatting. I think anything that we give airtime to sort of diminishes the charge, because when we're not sharing about it, it's only happening in our own universe, in our own awareness, and it can feel so big. It's like this huge umbrella that can just bring us down. So, ultimately, what I'm trying to share is sometimes our mind will play tricks on us and make something really big, whether it's about the contraction or the expansion, or fear, shame, guilt. But if we can just stay connected, ideally, with other and if that's not available to you, then in a journal, stay connected with yourself, air it out, write it down.

Speaker 1: 39:45

Don't have it be something that's looming over you. It doesn't have to be perfect. Living a life led by desire does not have to be perfect. We don't have to booby trap our life to make sure that things don't go wrong, because here's the secret. Have to booby trap our life to make sure that things don't go wrong, because here's the secret it will go wrong, things will happen, and it's not about how many times you go down, it's about how many times you come back up and that you just keep on going because nothing is better than a life well-lived. Nothing is better than a life lived. Let's all just stay in the game to the best of our ability. Nothing is better than a life lived Like. Let's all just stay in the game to the best of our ability.

Speaker 2: 40:21

Nothing is better than a life well lived. I love that. I mean, that's why we're following desire in the first place, right, because we want a life that we are really excited about, and that means giving up the creature comforts of safety and security. Sometimes you don't have to, right, I guess you give up, knowing for certain, because you're not forcing it and making it happen. And so I am with you on a life well-lived. We're talking about being present and honest with whoever, or yourself. I'm noticing that we that's what this episode is, that's what this entire episode is. Let's be honest with our audience and let's record on the actual, real things that we've been going through in the last month and really share, from a place of authenticity and truth and messiness and uncertainty. What's happening behind the scenes. And even with all of that, our commitment is here. We are here for ourselves, for each other, for our listeners, for the podcast, and that's something to really be proud of.

Speaker 2: 41:38

Thank you for being with us, for sticking with us. We would love to hear what mess happened for you in January it feels like a lot of people had that happening and how did you stay present with it, how did you stay committed and what are your takeaways from this episode? And may we all have a life well lived. Amen and thank you for being with us today. Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.

Speaker 1: 42:13

Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.