78 ~ The Truth About Expansion: What No One Talks About

Have you ever wondered why after every big moment in life there's a period of things feeling crunchy, or it all just falls apart?

We invite you to explore the dance of expansion and contraction, a universal rhythm often overshadowed by society's relentless pursuit for more. We share our personal journeys, revealing how moments of joy and success naturally transition into times of integration and balance. These quieter phases, much like the stillness of winter, are crucial for genuine growth. 

In our conversation, we shed light on the importance of embracing these cycles without judgment, turning them into opportunities for self-care and introspection through practices like yoga, healthy eating, and journaling.

We discuss how to embrace both the expansive and quieter phases with awareness and grace, cultivating a deeper connection to ourselves and the world around us.

Highlights of this Episode:
• Exploring the concepts of expansion and contraction 
• The disconnect between societal views and natural cycles 
• Importance of integrating experiences post-expansion 
• Self-care practices to navigate contractions 
• Personal stories and experiences with these natural rhythms 
• Awareness as a tool for acceptance and growth 
• Finding beauty in both expansion and contraction 
• Encouragement to embrace life’s cyclical nature 

Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast. We appreciate our listeners very much.

Chapters

• 0:08 Navigating Expansion and Contraction in Life
• 14:45 Embracing the Process of Growth
• 22:03 Finding Balance and Growth Amid Change

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

Speaker 2: 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine.

Speaker 1: 0:36

And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Even after decades of inner work, we are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

Speaker 1: 1:12

On the Desires Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Welcome back listeners, to another episode of the Desire as Medicine podcast. I am joined here with my lovely co-host, brenda, and we're here to talk about something we're going to do the quick and dirty style. We don't think we've done this topic justice really on this podcast just yet. So today is delivery time. What we're talking about is expansion. Everybody loves expansion, right Like the desire.

Speaker 1: 1:59

Desire itself is when you have more, more money, more love, more relationship is when you have more, more money, more love, more relationship, more fun, more adventure, more, more, more, more, more. It is what capitalism strives on. We want more as humans. But the part that we don't often talk about, except in the negative, like we talk about like a ceiling cap oh, we hit our ceiling or the big leap I think Brenda has talked about that as well. I think that's one of her favorite books where, oh, you can't go beyond that point. This is the max that you can have. So we have a natural contraction that happens Every time there is an expansion, there's a natural contraction.

Speaker 1: 2:41

We all love talking about expansion and striving for expansion and like go for it, get it girl. We're, like you know, fist pumping in the air. There's no fist pumping happening when there's a contraction, not like, oh, I'm on the ground recalibrating Yay. I'm on the ground integrating, yay. We don't really think about the necessary phase that will be there on the other side. On this podcast we've talked about it like the down, but we haven't just talked about it in the quick and dirty sense of there is expansion and there's a natural contraction that will follow what comes to mind, Brenda.

Speaker 2: 3:28

Yeah, I think this is the natural order of the world. This is universal law. This isn't something that we're making up. This is just real, and I don't think that our society really cares about this or is tapped into this at all, because, like you said, it's like go, go, go, build, build, build. But that is not the natural order. You know, we go during the day, we have our day, and then what do we do? We go to sleep at night. We need to rest, we need to rejuvenate, we need to renew, and then we wake up in the morning and we can go again. And that is the same everywhere in our seasons. After summer comes fall and winter, the animals hibernate. Everything that goes up must come down, and so if we are living a life led by desire, if we are in relationship with life, then we are honoring the natural cycles with life, then we are honoring the natural cycles and we have them as well in our bodies.

Speaker 2: 4:37

So, given that, if you look at your life, any expansion that you have, there is going to be some kind of a contraction. Now let's take the judgment out of that. People look at it as bad, like, oh, I did this great thing and now I'm sick, or people always talk about this. I had people fighting on their honeymoon. That's a great example. You have this amazing wedding, you had an amazing event, whatever it is, and then that night or the next day you get into a huge fight and everything seems to fall apart. You're like, oh my God, so many problems. Well, you probably just didn't come down well, and we can look at these things like a problem or a natural contraction. And the more we're in tune with the natural order that we're talking about, the more we can actually be with it and take care of ourselves along the way. So when I have a really big event happening, or even, let's just say, when we record in our podcast, we're opening up, we're having an expansion, we come down.

Speaker 2: 5:36

I like to say pleasurably, I come down mindfully, because I had an expansion, and that's really true for anything. You go on a big vacation, you come back and you're like, wow, my life really sucks. No, you need a little bit more. Come down time or integration time, because there is a contraction after that and you don't have to make it wrong. What you do need to do well, I will highly suggest you don't need to do anything is, take really good care of yourself along the way.

Speaker 2: 6:13

So after something big, after a big event maybe you went to a weekend course and you had a great time and you learned all these new things, or you had a great session with your coach or your therapist and you had an expansion take the time to come down thoughtfully. Eat some good food, go to yoga, call a friend, do some journaling, take a nap, have sex, do some gardening. These are things that help your body integrate with the expansion that you're having, and the more I've done those things mindfully in my life, the less of a crash I have on the other side and the less I want to make things a problem. And that is a great skill to have, because you could be neutral about what's happening and notice. Now, this has taken me a long time to get here, but even this morning I was having a reaction and I was having some feelings and I was able to recognize oh, I've had an expansion and I'm having a little contraction here.

Speaker 2: 7:24

I don't need to add story to it, I can just take care of myself, maybe need to cry, drink some water, have some good food and just be present with my body instead of making it a problem. This is how we expand. This is how we expand our capacity to have more in our life, by letting the good integrate and just going down taking a rest. Of course you need to rest after you were on a ski vacation for a week. Of course you need to rest after you got married and you had a big event. Of course you do.

Speaker 1: 8:07

Yes, thanks so much for sharing that. What comes to mind for me when you say come down, there's a natural come down, right, there's a natural expansion. There's a going up like, oh, there's an expansion there is. I'm thinking of riding on a roller coaster, right, you go up, up, up and then there's a natural come down. Another way of saying that is there's an expansion, you're having more, experiencing more, whether it's a wedding, an event or a different event, a vacation, and then there's, like you said, you come back from vacation and life sucks. There's an integration or a reintegration. There is the expansion.

Speaker 1: 8:55

The expansion is called an expansion because it's more than what's the norm, and then we have the norm. So we expanded and we're going into the norm and the norm feels off in some way, shape or form and what Brenda is saying, let's not make that wrong and it will feel uncomfortable and it's not going to be as good as the expansion and it may not be as normal as the norm. It might even be less favorable than the norm, because the truth is that our life is experienced by our filters. So something could have been great yesterday. Then you expand and then the norm is like beyond, lower than mediocre. It could just be like oh, this is bland, like unsalted food. This is just not good for any reason. It's because we have more to compare it to. We have lived more life and we now want more. We had the expansion. We know what it's like to be over there. We don't just want to go back to normal, right. But before we go back to that norm or even recreation, potentially, we need to integrate, and sometimes that integration looks like stillness, pausing, potentially sharing a truth with another individual.

Speaker 1: 10:29

It can look what's the word I'm looking for? It doesn't have to look a particular way. I guess that's a way of describing it. It's not fixed. Expansion and contraction are not fixed. We don't know how far we're going to expand. We don't know how far in we're going to contract. Far in we're going to contract. Our goal is to not collapse. That's definitely a goal, but we're not sure until you're in it. Until we're in it, we don't know.

Speaker 1: 11:03

And what we're offering is in today's episode. We're kind of calling the elephant in the room what it is. We're kind of calling the elephant in the room what it is. When we have had an expansion, there will be a contraction. We can't tell you exactly how far you're going to contract or how far you're going to expand, or if it's going to feel like a rubber band snapping back, or if it's just going to feel like a salsa cha-cha trot. We don't know how smooth or how rocky it's going to be. We're sort of just bringing it into your conscious mind. Hey, this is a natural sequence. You can prepare for it, but you don't have to be afraid of it. There's nothing wrong. It's just part of the course. If we were on a roller coaster ride, what goes up must come down, and it is just part of the ride. Doesn't make it wrong. We don't have to try to circumvent it or take another route. It just is circumvent it or take another route.

Speaker 2: 12:16

It just is, actually, I think, being with it and presencing it instead of trying to circumvent it, because I don't think that you can, you can't circumvent night. The bears aren't going to not hibernate, it's just the way it goes. So the more we are actually present with the truth, which is what we're saying nature, we're saying natural rhythms of things then we're actually in right relationship with life, which is cyclical. I think our society has an idea that we just go, go, go, go go, and that is not how nature works, that is not how our bodies work, and so I mean, goodness, my entire spiritual journey has been reattuning to my natural order of my own cycles and rhythms as a woman on the earth.

Speaker 2: 13:12

So you really can make it bad. You can make a comedown bad. You can certainly make a contraction bad by adding story, creating drama, drama. Oh my goodness, how much drama happens after an expansion, right? People fighting, blaming. You can find problems anywhere, fighting, blaming. You can find problems anywhere, any day, any moment. You can create problems. But where do you want to put your attention? Do you want to put your attention on drama, which is, I mean, let's just face it, it's just fun, right? There's such a hit when you're in drama and it's so addictive. But part of attuning to the natural order is releasing that, which is a little bit more neutrality. The leaf doesn't have an issue when it starts to turn colors and fall off the tree and compose into the dirt. In the winter it doesn't have a whole drama story. Winter it doesn't have a whole drama story. No, it just falls off the tree and turns into compost, the tree hibernates and then there's fresh buds in the spring. It's just the way it goes. So we can make that bad, we can make it a problem, we can blame people, we can blame ourselves and beat ourselves up, and this is where awareness really comes in, and that's part of what we're doing on this podcast is sharing all the beauty of what we've learned along the way and this is a really huge one.

Speaker 2: 14:45

That is rarely talked about expansion and contraction. I can't stress enough how just being neutral and taking care of yourself on the come down is so, so important, and I also want to say that I think it can actually be as good. I want to make an argument, for the expansion is amazing, but the contraction can be just as beautiful if you're really present with it, because if you're in a contraction and you're in right relationship with it, you can be so loving and kind to yourself and it could be so sweet and beautiful. You could be eating delicious broths and soups and homemade foods. You could take quiet walks in the woods or wherever you are. You can have beautiful conversations with your loved ones. You can bake a cake and enjoy eating it. You can journal and write and enjoy eating it. You can journal and write and it can be really beautiful, maybe not in an outward big giant way, but in a more quiet way, just like winter could be just as beautiful as summer. It's just a different flavor.

Speaker 1: 16:03

I agree, but I think it requires a lot more skill. So I hear what you're saying, brenda, I love it, and I think it takes more skill. To be willing to be in quiet with yourself, to not be deflecting, to be able to be in stillness is a skill.

Speaker 2: 16:22

I think that you're 100% right and I want to offer what's possible, that it can be as beautiful, and it takes a while to get there.

Speaker 2: 16:32

It takes a lot of times around the track of having something amazing happen having a great vacation, having a great day, hitting a milestone that you've been working on for so long, and then crashing and fighting and causing problems. It takes a lot of times to do that, to go around the track and build your awareness and then watch yourself do it. That's the most painful part is when you actually build up your awareness and you could see yourself doing it and say, oh my God, I'm doing it. I just had a great meeting with my boss and I got a raise and now I'm going home and I feel the pull to fight with my partner and to actually stop yourself and to actually stop yourself and I've done that in my own partnership say, oh, I think that I'm hitting a limit here. I've had something really great happen and I think that I'm hitting against my own limits and I don't really want to fight with you.

Speaker 2: 17:41

I think I actually just need to go take a nap or whatever the thing is. I think I actually just need to go take a nap or whatever the thing is. So it takes a while to build that capacity and you're right, it's a huge skill and even now I don't always do it, I miss it sometimes. And that's just the path of being a human on a spiritual path, living a life led by desire. It's not always smooth and easy, totally.

Speaker 1: 18:02

I just wanted to make sure that our listeners don't think that it's like oh yes, we have an expansion and then there's a contraction. Woohoo, woohoo, beep, beep. It's not quite that smooth. You're right, brenda, the skill comes from doing it over and over again. What's coming to my mind right now is sort of if I were to look at the pattern of I expand and then I have a crash, I expand, I have a crash. I'm not aware that there's going to be a crash or some form of down or contraction. I judge it, I think it's wrong and bad and somewhere, potentially, my subconscious is like oh, I'm afraid. Now I don't want to hit my own ceiling, I don't want to push against my own havingness, I'm just comfortable here taking up this small circumference versus, oh, if I'm aware, all right, there's going to be a contraction, I don't really know how to maneuver or live within that contraction. So the next time I'm in an expansion, how to maneuver or live within that contraction? So the next time I'm in an expansion, I'm just going to pay attention and take notes. Okay, this happened and this happened and this is how I felt and this is what I needed. Oh, I felt better after this. Oh, I felt better after that, so that I can continue to perfect it for myself as I go. So I was away in January. It was expansive in that I saw one of my best friends and we had great conversations. I just came back last week Yesterday, I hit my wall really early and I definitely wanted to have judgments about that, because I should be ready to roar.

Speaker 1: 19:45

I am not sick anymore. I should air quotes, be able to X, y or Z. But the kindest thing to do was to just say, oh, I hit a wall, I've hit a wall. Tomorrow's another day. But that comes from a gazillion times of overriding that wall, a gazillion times of potentially grabbing coffee, or I think even yesterday. At that time I paused and I meditated. I was like, oh, I should have gone out for a walk. Pause, and I meditated. I was like, oh, I should have gone out for a walk. Like there is still a little voice in me that's letting me know how I should be addressing X, y or Z, when in reality, the simplest answer is the best answer. I just had to pause, yeah that's really great, you know.

Speaker 2: 20:38

This is just reminding me of the grace it takes to be on a journey that's not the one that the world is offering of just go, go, go, climb, climb, climb, do, do, do, don't crash, don't take a day off, just keep going. That's not sustainable and a lot of us talk about that. And so when you choose the other way, when you choose to be in connection with yourself, with nature, with the cycles that are just universal law, it really does take a grace and an appreciation and acceptance for the journey. There will be ups, there will be downs, in every moment of every day. We're just not going to do it perfectly. That's not the way it's meant to be. And if we can look at, what are we learning along the way as opposed to? You know, did I hit that goal? Did I make more money? Did I build that thing? I mean, those things are fun and it's fun to have goals and build things right.

Speaker 2: 21:44

But when it doesn't go the way you want it to go or you're in a contraction, can you appreciate that too? Can you take really good care of yourself? Can you love yourself? Can you make yourself some soup or ask someone to get it for you and just love yourself a little bit more. And all of this is just a balancing. It's like a balancing out.

Speaker 2: 22:10

So we've had a huge expansion, we're having a contraction. There's a balance in your system that is trying to happen. The balance is your capacity expanding for more, which is what you're saying you want. So can you let nature do its thing? Please? Let's just let nature do its thing, be in relationship with it and build your awareness and skill along the way, and I think that's the best that we could do. And with that, we thank you for being with us today in our expansion and contraction on the desires medicine podcast. And we would love to hear from you where are you expanding? What do you do in a contraction? Are you aware of it? And we appreciate you so much, our listeners. Thank you for being with us today.

Speaker 2: 23:07

Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.

Speaker 1: 23:11

Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.