82 ~ Power of Sisterhood: High Level Relating

What does your ideal sisterhood look like?  In this episode, we imagine a world where sisterhood is a powerful tool for empowerment and support. This episode explores the often overlooked yet profound dynamics of female connections, encouraging a shift from surface-level interactions to deep, meaningful relationships. We share our personal experiences and discuss how vulnerability can enhance the bonds we share with other women, allowing us to be our authentic selves.

Join us as we investigate what sisterhood truly means in our lives and how it can transform our experiences into something truly rich and fulfilling. Through engaging stories, we share insight into how these deeply held connections foster emotional support as well as helping us realize our deepest desires.

This episode is a call to action for all women to reflect on their sisterhood journeys. We share practical advice on how to build and nurture these relationships, emphasizing the importance of authenticity, vulnerability, and mutual support. By cultivating an environment where women can truly uplift each other, we pave the way for something incredible.

Tune in, and let’s discover the beauty of sisterhood together! Don’t forget to subscribe, share your thoughts, and leave a review. Your voice matters to us!

Episode Highlights:
- Discuss the misconception around sisterhood as mere friendship
- Explore high-level versus low-level relating among women
- Highlight the profound impact of vulnerability in sisterhood
- Personal stories that showcase our authentic connections
- How to create and nurture the desired sisterhood in your life

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Desire is Medicine
• 9:00 Introducing Ourselves
• 31:00 The Importance of Sisterhood
• 1:12:00 High
• 2:05:00 Vulnerability as Power
• 3:24:00 Creating Your Desired Sisterhood

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire.

Speaker 2: 0:14

Inviting you into our world. I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life, motherhood relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine.

Speaker 1: 0:36

And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Even after decades of inner work, we are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

Speaker 1: 1:12

On the Desires Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Welcome back, friends, family. So happy to have you. Thank you so much for listening and joining us. If you are new to the podcast, welcome. If you are a loving listener, a returning listener, if you would not mind, I would love it for you to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, a rating and, please, a review, and I give out special gifts, wink, wink. So if you do leave a review, take a screenshot and send it to me either. If you're a friend, you can DM or text, email all the ways and I'll send you your little gift. Actually, it's a gorgeous gift, but I'm not going to say what it is, so it could be a surprise Surprise. All right, what is on the buffet? The desire buffet table?

Speaker 1: 2:20

Today I'm here joined with my co-host, brenda, the lovely Brenda, and today we want to talk about sisterhood. It has come up, it's in the air, it's in the room and it might sound like not a big deal, or it might sound like a big deal. I don't know where you are, as you being, where you're listening from, where you are in your stage of building relationships. If you find yourself kind of fast food, relating, that low level, relate with friends, where it's sort of networking hey, how are you, how are you doing, how you been, how was your week? That sort of low level. Or if it's deep, like did you do anything to become wealthy today? Or what was your deepest desire?

Speaker 1: 3:10

Like a higher level of relating that is a lot more based on witnessing each other, letting ourselves be seen and felt, and like less bus stop conversation and more like think tank conversation or love tank conversation, a place where it's a true breeding ground for intimacy and depth, where you can see, be witnessed, expand in relationship. Like I believe everything is relationship, relationship to ourselves, relationship to others, and sisterhood is a gorgeous way to play, gorgeous way to play. So, whether you are married, single, divorced, a mom, not mom are able to, you find dating super easy, super hard, like sisterhood is available and you can create it for yourself. It's super important to me. But right now I'm going to turn it over to you, Brenda. What comes up for you when we think about sisterhood?

Speaker 2: 4:28

Sisterhood is everything. It's truly everything. As I'm listening to you, I'm thinking, wow, it's probably one of the most important things in my life, like my family is super important to me and my children. But to have the life of my dreams, to have my desires, to have a life led by desire to be my true self and to get out of this cute little head of mine and into possibility and expansion and miracles, I absolutely need sisterhood. I need it, I have it, I've cultivated it and I am so absolutely grateful for it.

Speaker 2: 5:14

When I think about women, the women in my life, and I think about what I've been able to create in my life, which is truly a miracle, like I've gone further in my lineage than anyone before me as far as consciousness or relating or maybe thinking outside the box, even college education and sisterhood and friendship, it's all possible because of the investment I've made in women. It's truly all possible. It's the most important thing because women show me what's possible on this planet by being their true selves, by letting their freak flag fly, by being who they truly are, which is the new paradigm of woman and sisterhood. I get to see what's possible. In the old paradigm we're playing small where we have like an unsaid agreement to dim our light and stay inside of a box. And it's not that there's anything wrong with that box, it's just that it's limited. And it's not that there's anything wrong with that box, it's just that it's limited and inside that box.

Speaker 2: 6:47

I think the general way that women have related is colluding with each other, like those bus stop conversations which are about how stupid your husband is, the dumb thing he did last night or how annoying your kids are. It's such low level relating there's nowhere to go from there. You're just stuck in that same story every day and it's very limiting. I think the old paradigm of sisterhood is critical and judgmental. It's about fixing each other, and we're talking about this new, incredible, wear a crown kind of sisterhood where we take each other higher and deeper than we ever thought was possible, and we do it by being our true selves, by being who we really are with each other. There's so much more that I want to say, but I'm going to have you jump in.

Speaker 1: 7:53

Can you give an example of that, Like you say, being your true selves? What does that mean?

Speaker 2: 8:01

It means showing up exactly as you are. I'll just say this this is what's coming up for me. This was going back gosh, like seven, eight, nine years ago. I was talking to a friend and I was having some money issues. We were doing a tool together called spring cleaning and I was like really in distress. And she was like, oh, I'm going to now talk about money. And she was having an amazing experience with money. She was feeling great about money. She had a lot of money at the time. Money was coming to her.

Speaker 2: 8:39

She was just like in super abundant vibes and I was in super fear and scarce vibes and she just showed up as her actual, true self. She didn't dim her light for me. She didn't dim her light to match me in my fear and scarcity. She shined her light and talked about the real, true things that were happening for her and it was beautiful. And that is breaking the old paradigm, because the old paradigm says if a woman is feeling bad or sad or she's crying, you don't talk about how great your life is. If a sister is saying she's having money or men problems, you're not going to talk about how great it is for you. But what I'm suggesting is that, yes, you can, and it's not in a cold-hearted, boasting, one-upping kind of way. No, it's something very different. It's meeting the other person exactly where they are, being openhearted and compassionate, and not dimming your light for the other woman and the beauty of that.

Speaker 2: 9:54

Going back to that conversation that I had, was it kind of pulled me out of fear and scarcity vibes. It kind of brought me into oh my God, I remembered. Oh, I'm a creatrix, I can make anything that I want. I can just be in desire itself. Now, if she had dimmed her light and just talked about fear and scarcity or just chose another topic completely, I wouldn't have seen what was possible in that moment and I really remember that. It really stood out to me. Does that answer your?

Speaker 1: 10:25

question Beautifully answers the question because great answer, thank you. So if I were to rephrase that, if I were to give it a reframe, because you called it being exactly who you are, I think the thing underneath that we're not talking about is the potential thought that someone could have of like, oh, brenda's in scarcity and I am in abundance, so where I am as good and where she is as bad, and I think I see this. This is a complete sidebar, but I see this a lot around women who are able to get pregnant and women who are not able to get pregnant, and like the conversations that can be had there and that can be a very scary thing on the table, it in the room, because I recognize that not every conversation could be as potentially sound, as easy as scarcity or abundance. Or maybe for somebody else is listening, they're like oh my God, scarcity and abundance, that's such a big topic. But in order for that sister to be able to share her goodness and abundance, she had to see you as completely capable and see that whatever scarcity pattern you were in or whatever scarcity you were experiencing, that she doesn't need to save you from it, that you're fully powerful and she gets to share, and just share in sharing, knowing that what she's bringing to the table is a different perception. She's offering a possibility, and you also had to be willing to see her as not better than you, because she's having an amazing time with abundance. She's just another human and you're a human, and the two of you are just on the path. Nobody's better than the other.

Speaker 1: 12:27

There is no superiority, no inferiority. There just is the reality of it. That in that time, sounds like you had a little bit of a lack, she had a surplus, and that's it. Just factual. It's right to have a surplus, or it's wrong to have a surplus, or it's right to have a lack. Or it's wrong to have a surplus, or it's right to have a lack, or it's wrong to have a lack. It just is.

Speaker 1: 12:49

And so I think that's one of the major tenants that you want to have when you're wanting to build really nourishing relationships is to do your best to do the work. When I say do the work is, in other words, when you feel like you are inferior to someone, or you feel that you are superior to someone, you think your way is right, your way is wrong, or your way is good, your way is bad that you really take a look at that, because it isn't. It just is. We honestly don't know. We could want more for someone else, but they could be having the exact experience that they need. We could potentially want less for someone else. Maybe we think that they're too arrogant or they have too much, or a golden spoon or golden handcuffs, but we don't know right. Can we stay in connection while also staying in our own lane of judgment? Judgment-free zone, please.

Speaker 2: 13:55

Yeah, that's really good. I'm just getting so pumped over here talking about sisterhood and what's possible. The other way that women relate that I didn't put on my list before was jealousy, which you pointed to just before. That is a way that we're really shown and conditioned how to relate with each other, and what we're pointing to is something so much deeper. What I mostly want to say for myself with sisterhood is and I said it before but what's possible? When I get outside of my mind and think about just what could possibly be and I'm going to tell a little story Last week I had to.

Speaker 2: 14:37

I had a mammogram and then I had to go back for a second mammogram and a diagnostic ultrasound and I was freaked the fuck out. I was really scared. I felt like it was going to be okay, but I was also really scared and I I just spoke to my women. My friends were just there for me and they met me in the place of I hear you Nobody lollygolly me like, oh, it's going to be okay, there's no problem, but instead they really offered me hope and this one moment that I want to bring out, because I am actually currently steeped in sisterhood in California, I came to visit some friends on the West Coast and I am seeing friends every single day. I needed a weekend off. Actually, I only got one day. I took Sunday off from friends because I was like I need some time for myself. It's so beautiful and it's been a desire of mine that I want more in-person sisterhood and had to really expand in order to have it.

Speaker 2: 15:43

So one day last week it was the night before my mammogram and ultrasound and I went to the gym with a friend and we were sitting in the hot tub and I was talking to her about it. I was writing the line of I know it's going to be okay, but I'm also really scared. And she just put her hand on my hand. We were in the hot tub and she said even if it's a result that you don't want, you're still going to be okay. I'm here with you and you're going to be okay. I'm here with you and you're going to be okay.

Speaker 2: 16:21

And it was such a beautiful, touching moment. I felt so vulnerable and so seen in my fear and in the truth that, even if it was a result that I didn't want, it's not a death sentence. And she was just there in the dark with me and I was so grateful for that moment, because I don't want to brush over the truth, I don't want to live in the fear of it, but I want to be in reality, like, oh, I could get bad news and I want to be met there. And I really was, and it made all the difference.

Speaker 1: 17:04

That's such a gorgeous example of sisterhood and I'm just going to. This is me groaning because it's not really a moan, it's more like grr and a moan. So Brenda and I have both had mammograms and exams. I have to have more exams done as well. They will be happening probably by sometime. I'll have more answers sometime mid, mid April or something. I have a few more tests to do and I've been in text contact with Brenda and she asked me like is there anything you need? And I'm sharing this one because I think it's gorgeous for you guys to see inside of our sisterhood, but also because Brenda's talking about a hot tub and it sounds really fantastic and somebody gets to put their hand on her hand. It sounds really beautiful. But we are opposite coasts right now and it's really easy for me to boohoo and say, oh well, I don't have her close.

Speaker 1: 18:23

If I wanted to go into my mind and create a story that something is bad and of course, in that story, brenda's the only person that I could have next to me there's no other sister, because that would feed into the woe is me. You know I don't have anybody, because if I had other people then well, you know, I could create this, however. I wanted to, but no, I'm a victim and Brenda's the only person. But she so gorgeously asked me is there anything you need? And I was like no, actually just being able to text her. What happened was that day that she took off. That was the day that I was texting her, I think, or something close to it. She was probably maybe with friends or doing other things, but just knowing that I'm being witnessed in my own fear and having my own exams and sending her updates of what was occurring for me had me feel connected to her because of the friendship that we have. Like when you cultivate a sisterhood, it doesn't look like a lifetime movie. The connection can be so deep. The possibility is there that it transcends space and time and what you think it has to look like. Like you can create whatever form is available and, within that form, create the level of depth that you want to have, because you might be listening and say that sounds like bullshit. So I'm going to take it a step further and say the way I created that connection is by allowing myself to be witness in my fear, even though she wasn't there, if I wanted to go into the story that sisterhood needs to look a particular way, or if I made it wrong that she wasn't there and therefore didn't want to share the connection would not have been had and what the connection looked like.

Speaker 1: 20:25

So she got to see the messages and say, oh hey, I was actually caught up with X, y or Z, do you need anything? And that's when I got to be with what do I need? And I thought, hmm, I felt into it, it could have been something else. Maybe I needed a phone call, maybe I needed a digestion call on a different call, maybe I needed to go deeper, but I actually didn't need any of that, for whatever reason I'm not going to make it right or wrong I was like, no, today was perfect. I got to message you and actually in this location, this is what I would actually want to be able to just keep you apprised of what's happening in real time, so that I feel like I'm in connection with another human around, something that can be really scary.

Speaker 1: 21:12

And let's be honest, ladies and gentlemen, if you are listening, but women and gentlemen, if you are listening, but women there's always something happening in our bodies, like we have menstruation from the time we're a teenager. Then you have breasts coming in, then you have breasts getting bigger, then you have gynecological exams. They happen once a year. Then when you hit your 40s, you're having mammograms, then you're having colonoscopies, endoscopies. This is a real in the room reality of being in a female body, and sisterhood is something that is really beautiful to have around these things, because we're all literally being probed and probed in the same places.

Speaker 1: 21:52

Let me tell you, when I got into that mammogram machine okay, and the woman was like this might feel some pressure on your bone I was like what? This is a cakewalk in comparison to the last time I had this one done. I said the last time I had this done, it felt like my soul was being squeezed out of my body. This is nothing like that. I said this I can do this shit every day. She was like oh, it's a different machine, it's been upgraded. I said this is amazing, this machine is amazing.

Speaker 1: 22:31

But even something like that, the two women, the two techs that were in the room were like oh yeah, the other machine, blah, blah, blah. We had this whole conversation about the machine. I guess, once again, that's an example of sisterhood with two complete strangers. Right, I go in, I ask their names, they ask me what I'm there for. I let them know it's an extended diagnostic, we're checking for something, et cetera. I feel really nervous about the machine because last time the last machine sucked my soul out of my body, squeezed my soul out of my body.

Speaker 1: 23:08

There I go, through the experience, I'm saying, oh no, it's not as bad as that and we have a whole connection around it, whole connection around it.

Speaker 1: 23:21

The other option would have been to say nothing, to not be visible in my current moment, just like Brenda could have not been visible in her current moment. She didn't have to be seen with her friend in the hot tub. She could have just said, oh, I'm fine, I think it's going to be fine, and not shared the fear. But if we're looking for this high level relating, whether it's with sisterhood that we have created or random sisterhood with women that we'll never see again and they're just like a beautiful soul contract that gets to be with you in the dark, because that's just the dark place that you're in If we want that nourishing, relating, then we really have to have practice in creating a judgment-free zone, because that really helps breed possibility and we do that by not making anywhere we are wrong and allowing ourselves to be met where we are and meeting the other person where they are Gorgeous summary and beautiful story.

Speaker 2: 24:27

I love how you said it's your soul tribe and I love how you just found sisterhood in the mammogram room. And, if I really receive your story, there's a couple of pieces to it. That's not random, no, you know, it's Catherine living her life and you showed up honestly in the moment and you held yourself beautifully. You. You held yourself in that moment. You were like what is up with this machine? Or you showed up real and you just held yourself beautifully and I think that's a really big piece.

Speaker 2: 25:06

I think we often will go into victim around other women and that's where we kind of lose our power is when we become a quote victim of our circumstances and then we go on each other's ride and collude in the story and that's what we're talking about, that low level place of relating. But in that story with the mammogram and also with mine in the hot tub, we both showed up real, honest and held ourselves, and so did the women who met us, and it's just another way to show up with women. And if you're asking yourself well, how do I have sisterhood? How do I get women to do this? How do I get other women to show up real and be honest with me and not collude and judge and fix and accept me for who I am.

Speaker 2: 26:04

Well, it starts with you. You decide that you want to be that and you just start being that in the world. You start being that with your friends, you start showing up more honestly, you start showing up holding yourself, you start showing up listening, accepting, being in approval and just being honest. That's how it starts and people will meet you there. Women are exquisite creatures. We are absolutely incredible and if you're willing to shatter the illusion of the old paradigm and show up in a higher way, women will meet you there. We want it. Clients, friends, even in my family. We want women to be with us in 360 degrees of our life, in the truth, and it starts with ourselves.

Speaker 1: 27:16

It starts with ourselves. I second that Brenda has said more than once today for us to shatter the illusion of the old paradigm. Up for me when I hear that is show up as the possibility, you want something different? Great, show up as that different. She also talked about how we hold ourselves really influences that possibility.

Speaker 1: 28:01

Right, if I had shown up to the mammogram room and I'm like, oh my God, I hate that machine and I just was going on and on and on, nobody wants to talk to somebody that's complaining, nobody wants to talk to somebody that's whining. Nobody wants that because it's not fun, it's a dead end. It's like old McDonald's fries. It's fast food, it's just low level relating. It's not good. It's not even like the old McDonald's fries when they cooked it in lard. It's like that new stuff, that seed oil stuff. It's like an old fry that was fried in seed oil.

Speaker 1: 28:40

The thing that I want to point to here is we show up, we create the possibility, we be the possibility. Other women get to see that how we hold ourselves, we hold ourselves well, and then we show them what that looks like so that we can be related to in the same, can be related to in the same Now as women. Yes, we tend to be more nurturing, more loving in comparison to men, right, it's just what's important. And how we relate to one another is different, not one better than the other, but there is an honest difference that occurs in sisterhood than in different sex relationships. Right, where men, women relationships, it is a different form of relating, because a man, by nature, god willing, is going to want to hold you safe and protect you, right, he wants to make sure that you're cared for. He's not really holding you to your highest possibility, not because he doesn't mean to, but because he wants to have you literally melt inside of him. Versus a woman is going to stand by you. Him versus a woman is going to stand by you. Show you what's possible so you can step into the highest version of you, and that's something that we haven't really touched on just yet.

Speaker 1: 30:19

When we're showing other women possibility, that's technically what we're showing them. We're showing other women possibility. That's technically what we're showing them. Please, meet me here. Don't ask me about the weather. Don't tell me how this machine sucks. Don't tell me how horrendous breast cancer is or mammographies or pap smears. Let's not talk about all the ways that we're poked and prodded. Let's feel into what our connection feels like when I just let you know how I'm scared of something, how I am unsure about something, and allow myself to be met with something like Brenda was met with so gorgeous. Even if it's the worst news, you're going to be okay. Can we set our lives up so that we create relationships and sisterhood? That looks like that. Can we indeed?

Speaker 2: 31:19

Yeah, that's really beautiful and it's really just taking the chance. It's the willingness to be vulnerable, and vulnerability is power. It's our greatest superpower as a woman is our vulnerability. That is our strength. Strength isn't man's strength, it's feminine strength, which is vulnerability, reception, opening, softening and truth Truth of who we really are.

Speaker 2: 31:56

Men will one up each other very easily. They'll say I caught a fish. It was gigantic. And their friend will say I caught a fish. It was gigantic. And their friend will say I caught a fish. It was double that size, it was triple that size. You know, men will very easily stand at a party and one up each other. You made a million dollars, I made $2 million and I caught the biggest fish. Made $2 million and I caught the biggest fish.

Speaker 2: 32:26

Women will one down each other. You had a bad day. Well, I had a worse day. Let me tell you how much worse my day was than your day. It's like there's some kind of a prize for having the worst day.

Speaker 2: 32:43

But think about it. If you're a woman and you're listening to this, you've experienced this, because I think this is generally how women are relating in the world. It's like a way that we compete for the lowest, worst prize? And what if, instead of that, you just listened to a woman, what she was saying, and said, wow, that must be really hard. Or thanks for sharing, do you want to say more? Or I'm really sorry that that happened, or I'm really sorry that you're going through that. I really feel your heart. And just be there for each other. We're so busy trying to compete and add something to the conversation that we're just missing the boat completely. And this goes back to what I was saying earlier just be who you truly are, be fabulous. Be fabulous. You're a creatrix. If you're a woman, you have the ability to create life. Like you hold possibility and magic. You're radiant, and when you own that, everything is possible.

Speaker 1: 34:08

Anything is possible for you if you're willing to stand in the truth of who you really are, which is radiance. I really hope that, yes, we can all feel our radiance and that we find it in ourselves to not worry about whether we're better or worse, superior, inferior, good, bad, right, wrong, that we can feel our worth and that we are worthy to share of ourselves just because we are. And may this episode really motivate you to feel into the sisterhoods that you have available to you and that, even if it's not available, and that, even if it's not available because you don't see it that you begin to feel into what would feel delicious for you in sisterhood. What sort of sisterhood do you desire? What would you like to create? And start moving towards that, one action, one step at a time, without collapsing. No fall on the ground. No, woe is me. This is something I want and I'm going for it. And for all the sisters out here listening, I want you to know that, brenda and I back you. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

Speaker 2: 35:33

Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.

Speaker 1: 35:37

Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.