Desire As Medicine Podcast
Brenda & Catherine interview people and talk to each other about desire. They always come back to us being 100% responsible for our desires.
Contact us by email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
Instagram:
@desireasmedicine
@CoachCatherineN
@Brenda_Fredericks
Desire As Medicine Podcast
95 ~What No One Tells You About Getting What You Want
What happens when life feels like an all-you-can-eat buffet of desires? When every opportunity feels irresistible and you want it all—right now?
In this episode, Brenda and Catherine dive into the emotional terrain of competing desires and the tough choices we must make when we can't have everything at once. They explore what it means to move through life’s “candy store” with discernment, drawing from personal stories and hard-earned wisdom.
Brenda shares a powerful, vulnerable account of her divorce—a soul-driven choice that led to emotional upheaval, financial strain, and years of shame before she found her way back to self-compassion. Her story reveals a deeper truth: desire isn’t always about gratification—it’s about alignment, honesty, and growth.
Through real-life examples around homes, money, and relationships, this conversation invites listeners to look honestly at what they want, what it costs, and what they’re truly willing to choose.
Whether you're overwhelmed by too many options, sitting with regret, or struggling to prioritize your desires, this episode offers something grounding: permission to be human, imperfect, and compassionate with yourself as you learn.
As Brenda says, "You can't do it wrong... whatever decision you make brings you to the next place."
In this episode, we explore:
- Life as a candy store or buffet of endless tempting choices
- Not everything we want is possible—or meant for us—all at once
- Desire requires making honest choices and accepting the costs
- Being a full YES means owning the consequences of your decisions
- Financial tradeoffs between dream homes and meaningful experiences
- Hidden costs of desires often only reveal themselves later
- Brenda’s vulnerable story of divorce and its unexpected aftermath
- The power of deep honesty with self and others
- Finding compassion when choices lead to messy outcomes
- The three core arenas of desire: health, wealth, and relationships
- There’s no wrong choice—every step leads to the next learning
💬 Share your reflections with us on Instagram @desireismedicinepodcast.
How did you like this episode? Tell us everything, we'd love to hear from you.
If you'd like to learn more about 1:1 or group coaching with Brenda or Catherine message them and book a Sales Call to learn more.
Email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
Instagram:
@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
@CoachCatherineN
Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2:I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine.
Speaker 1:And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student.
Speaker 2:Even after decades of inner work, we are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1:On the Desires Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Welcome back listeners. Brenda so excited to be here, taking that deep sigh because today's a doozy oh yeah, we are the Desire as Medicine podcast. Girlies, this is what we do. Talk about it from our little girls, our teenage girls Now we're in our women Definitely, both titter tottering on our crone over here.
Speaker 1:And one thing that comes up when we talk about desire everybody wants what they want. Like who doesn't want what they want? None of us want to not get our desires. Like, there's such an ache there, like, ouch, I didn't get what I wanted. And there is a difference between clamping down, gripping to get what you want and being let down. There is like an act of surrender as well. Like these things are true, but today we're going to talk about not just what happens when we don't get what we want. But today we're going to talk about not just what happens when we don't get what we want. We're not just going to talk about how that feels or how many times we try to protect ourselves from disappointment.
Speaker 1:Today, we're going to talk about what it feels like to be walking through life like a little kid in the candy store where you just want every single candy and then, just like the little kid that ate all the candy you want, to vomit they're at Halloween. There is a place where and Brenda and I have talked about what this feels like I'm not sure if you listeners, family, friends, have been there, but can you feel into a time when you just gave yourself everything you wanted? Maybe it was that everything you wanted to buy, you bought. Or every vacation you wanted to take, you took. Or every time somebody had a party, you said yes. Or every time there was a party, you said yes.
Speaker 1:All the places where we just went really into excess, because we used to say to ourselves well, I desire it, I want it. Like, clearly, it's for me, I'm supposed to follow my desire. Desire shapes and grows me Like I'm supposed to lean into it. Let's talk today, ladies and gentlemen, about choice, about being an adult, about walking through life, and if we're really just looking at desire, life itself is a big old candy store, right, brenda? But how hard would it be to build if you're just walking through life like it's a candy store the candy store of life.
Speaker 2:I love it. It's like a buffet. I think about a buffet where there's just everything there and it's endless. I mean, life is like that. Right, there's always things to want. I think life is set up where, especially nowadays, where we see everything that everybody else has and we have more choices than ever, right, even as women, there's so many choices that we have. It can be really exciting. There's so many things to want and have, things beyond our wildest dreams, and also things that our mothers and our grandmothers and the women before us couldn't have or dream about is accessible to us today.
Speaker 2:And just like going into the CVS and you want to buy toothpaste and your mind goes buggly, buggly, buggly because there's 8,000 kinds of toothpaste, it could be really confusing, and desire could be confusing too. It could be really confusing, and desire could be confusing too. And not everything is for us, and not everything we want are things that we're going to have. And I think that we need to think that we do need to prioritize in a way. You can't go after everything all at once. I mean, can you have everything in your life that you want? Sure, but you still do have to build it one brick at a time.
Speaker 2:Maybe you want the relationship of your dreams, or the house of your dreams, or the business of your dreams, or the friendships of your dreams, whatever it is. Those things take time to build and they do get built, layer by layer. They don't all come at once and we're just not going to have everything we want. And I think that's the beauty of desire and the tragedy of desire, because it can be really devastating to not get what we want. And I think this is one of the most juicy topics to talk about, with desire going after our desires with no guarantee that we're ever going to get it. Why would we do that? Why would we do that? Why would we go after something and put our energy or our resources into something where there's no guarantee? But we do it, we do it every day, we just show up. I think it's our human nature to go after what we want in that way, and it can be exciting and disappointing For sure.
Speaker 1:It is exciting and disappointing. I want to see if I could find a way. And it can be exciting and disappointing, for sure it is exciting and disappointing. I want to see if I could find a way. Well, maybe we'll start here. Like when we have a desire and it goes unmet, right, there's grief, for sure it's sad when you don't get the candy you wanted, you wanted it's sad. Sometimes there's rage, sometimes there's shame, like why can't I have what I want? That sort of. Or there's tightness. Sometimes we say, oh, I didn't want it anyway, we kind of bypass it or numb it out, and so it's tough to be with that when you don't get what you want.
Speaker 1:But what about when you want so many things and you could potentially do it or not do it? That's when it becomes even stickier. So sometimes we have a desire, we want to clamp on it, we want to tighten it, control, right, we want to have it, no matter what. We don't want to be let down, we don't want to be hurt or disappointed. Sometimes, when we clamp down, we think that if we just hold on really tight, we'll get it, or if we just continue to willpower it through, we'll have it, and putting that down can be so vulnerable and terrifying, but, at the same time, just what we need. And there's another thing that we need, which is to think about what kind of life we want. What do those relationships look like in the life that we want? Because we're constantly making decisions Like do I want to have dessert all day?
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I want that. Would I actually feel good if I gave it to myself? Well, probably not. I'd probably be like up and down sugary all day, from sugar highs and lows, and after a while of eating like that, I probably wouldn't feel good. I'd probably be craving a green juice, like sunlight, right. But that's an example of places where it's not really we know somewhere inside of us. This isn't really a mature thing to do, to buy this bag in all the different colors or to binge in this way, and so I want us to kind of talk about that, brenda, when we have conflicting desires and wants. But we have to sort of choose, we can't just go all in into things. Do you have something that you want to bring in as an example?
Speaker 2:with decisions, decisions, decisions. We get invitations all the time invitations for to do this or to do that, to do this course, to go on that vacation, whatever it is, to go to this brunch and I do subscribe to the belief that you can't do it wrong. Whatever decision you make, it wrong, whatever decision you make, it brings you to the next place and the next decision. Honestly, that feels like maybe it's obvious to everybody, but that took me a long time to really understand. I spent a lot of time being stuck. I was so afraid of making a decision that I didn't make any decision and that's okay too, because there's things to learn. In the place of being stuck, I was just so afraid. And then I heard that advice oh, you just make a decision and it brings you to the next place and the next decision and you can change course at any time. You really can. Even if you think you can't, you can.
Speaker 2:I mean, I think the great example of that is somebody who's getting married and the invitations are sent and everything's all set in stone and everyone RSVP'd and you put money down and then you realize, oh my God, I don't want to get married to this person. What do you do, do you go through with it or do you change course, and so there's no right or wrong. Maybe there's a better decision, maybe there's an easier one, maybe there's one that has less cost involved and I mean all kinds of costs, not just money, but like the toll it takes on you and your life. So I don't think that you can make a wrong decision, because if we're saying in a desire-based life, that desire calls us to something greater in ourselves and we're here on a journey to learn and to grow as souls, then everything we're doing, we're learning along the way, and that just brings us to a better place for our next decision.
Speaker 1:I'm thinking about Dave Ramsey. I don't know why he popped into my head, but I think financial desires. It's so much easier to point this lesson in financial desires, like some people will say well, I want my dream house, like, I want this house and it's this square footage and this is what it looks like and this is what we can afford. But potentially, that house isn't 30% of that person's income allocation, it's a little higher, which means that it changes things as in maybe you don't have the same amount of vacations If you are. If your debt to income ratio is really tight, then you don't get to do other things. In comparison to, let's say, if you did not buy the house and you rented, maybe the rent instead of the mortgage and taxes would be less. Or maybe you get a smaller house, something that isn't quite as beautiful, but it allows you enough income so that you can travel or so that you.
Speaker 1:You know, houses have unexpected expenses. It's not, they're not really asset building. It's sort of something that we do. If that's something that we want, but we don't have to, there are other choices, and one of the things that comes into making that choice is how much money do I have left over and with the money that's left over, do I get to still live the kind of life that I want to live, or do I have to forego vacations, forego parties, forego all these other things, because I made this lifestyle choice? And so that's kind of what I mean when I point to. You know, if you're a little kid in the candy store, you're going to be like well, why can't I have the biggest house? I can afford it, why can't I also have all the vacations that I want? It's like well, I want to eat whatever I want to and not gain a pound, like there's a lot of things that I would like.
Speaker 2:That's a good one. Well, I think we have to ask ourselves what we really want in life. What do you mostly want? If you, if you, want a really big house and you're okay with no vacations, not buying new clothes for a few years, having an older car, if that, whatever your situation is, then great, but be a full yes to that experience, right? If you're not a full yes to that, then maybe you do want to buy the smaller house because you're like I don't really want to give up my vacations and I also really want to lease that car. You know, if we're in reality, then we're looking at these things with clear eyes and saying what is actually in range for me, what can I really have and what kind of life do I want to live?
Speaker 2:I know people who don't mind going into debt and they have a ton of debt and they're always paying their debt and they're very happy do that at all. They don't want to go into any debt at all. They want to live completely in their means. Well, there's no right or wrong and in this world you can have it however you want, like Burger King. But you do need to ask yourself what do you want? What is your value, how do you want to live and how are you going to feel free and spacious so you can enjoy your life?
Speaker 1:So I'm hearing you talk about the logistics of you have a life, you have choices, you have different desires and you get to choose your desires and be a full yes, as you say, and I want to point to that when we are a full yes to something, we know the consequences. So if I choose the house where I can't go on vacations, then I can't be victimized because I'm not going on vacation and be mad at the house or mad at my desire for the house because it wasn't my desire's fault. I'm the one that said yes, I'm the one that signed the mortgage deal, I'm the one that signed the lease or signed the contract to get into that. I think that's where we kind of get tripped up Like, oh, I wanted this, it was within my desire, it was my desire. Clearly, my desire isn't bad and Brenda's saying there are no wrong choices, but we do want to make clear choices, like choices and being clarity.
Speaker 1:If I choose this house, that's somewhat very it's within my means, but it's sort of at the top tier I won't be able to do these other things that I enjoy and am I okay with that? Right? Also, if I were to go to an Ivy League college. I really want to have an Ivy League experience, but I'm taking something I don't know arts and crafts. I'm going to say I'm taking some kind of liberal arts degree and there's no guarantee that I'll be able to make up the income that I'm going to spend on this Ivy League. That has to be a choice, because then school loans potentially, or my savings go into that purchase right, Not being victimized by what we decide. Being clear, I'm choosing this because of X.
Speaker 2:And I want to say that can also be a bitch, because you can go into it eyes wide open, making a clear choice. Let's just say the house example I'm going to buy this house and I'm not going to be able to go on vacation for probably several years. You can be a yes to that, but then you might be in it and you might be like, oh shit, what did I do? I really want to go on that vacation. Now, damn it, I can't go. I'm really cursing a lot over here. Then what In those cases?
Speaker 2:And I've had those experiences that's where I just have to notice what's coming up for me and deal with whatever feelings come up. Maybe there is some disappointment, maybe there is some frustration, maybe you really wish you could go on a vacation and you really really wish that you could, and you know you can't. But there's some feelings there. We're not saying don't feel your feelings, and once you make a decision then you can't go back right. Your decisions and your desires bring you somewhere and it's all an invitation to grow. So have your feelings about it. If that's what comes up for you, be honest with them.
Speaker 2:I think that's freedom, yes, and you can have both. You could say oh, I made this decision and now I'm in this boat and oh, I really don't like it. This is a hard boat to be in. This is a hard boat to be in, but this is the boat that I'm in. I chose it not in a punishing way, but in a oh. This is where I am right now, and what do I need now to move forward? What do I need now?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what do I need now to move forward? If, for some reason, I'm sad by the choice that I made, or I'm disappointed that I made this choice and I really wasn't clear on the cost, that's something else. I guess a different way of looking at this is that there's a cost in going for our desires, not just the cost of being disappointed, that you go for something and it's potentially not there. You don't have it for something and it's potentially not there. You don't have it, but there's a cost to getting it. So maybe for the house example, it means that you have to not go on certain vacations so that you can save for the down payment for the house.
Speaker 1:Or the food example is if you want your body to look a particular way and calorie reduction is one way of doing it, then you can't have the dessert all day long. Or if you've decided you're going to be sober because you don't want to be a drinker anymore, then the cost is well, you can't really have liquor anymore. There are certain costs that are sometimes they're hidden costs in our desires that we don't think about prior to. We're often like am I willing to do the thing that it takes to get there? We don't ask ourselves what does it cost me, like? What are the invisible costs that I don't see, in order for me to get over there, and sometimes those costs feel high.
Speaker 2:They are high. They can be high, let me put it this way and they're not always something that you can anticipate. They can be high, let me put it this way, and they're not always something that you can anticipate. You do not know. And that's, like I said before, the beauty and the tragedy, the humanness of following desire, like having the courage to actually follow your desire instead of living a life. It may be an obligation or expectation, a smaller life, but if you want to follow the calling of your soul, whatever that might be, it's not going to always make sense and you might get to the other side of your desire and say, oh my God, it did not bargain for this. It did not bargain for this. I'll give you a really big example this. I'll give you a really big example Divorce.
Speaker 2:We were married for a long time. It took me a long time to decide. I was not happy, we could not work it out and I just couldn't get it out of my head Like it kept coming, this tap on the shoulder and I felt like this is what I needed to do. I'm going to make a really long story short. We got a separation, we got a divorce. I did not know the cost of divorce. It has been quite high. It's been financially difficult, it's been emotionally difficult. There was a cost with my children and my family. There was a cost with my children and my family.
Speaker 2:Divorce is devastating and I had no idea of that. There are times where I say, wow, I wish I didn't do that. And then I'm in that boat, right, and I say, okay, well, I remember the course of action. I remember how long it took me to decide. I remember how hard it was. I remember how long it took me to decide, or remember how hard it was and this is what I eventually chose. So here I am now, and what am I going to do with that? And I've had to learn some mad skills. I've had to take really deep responsibility. And only through getting the divorce did I really just hit rock bottom in my life.
Speaker 2:Through getting the divorce did I really just hit rock bottom in my life. I hit rock bottom where I had no money left. I'd given up my career, I didn't have my relationship, I didn't have my house, I didn't have a place to live. It was devastating and I've had to find myself. I've had to dig deep into myself and my soul and my resilience to rebuild and recreate myself and clean up all the mess and hold space for my children at the time. They're older now, in their difficulty. And that was really hard, much harder than I ever bargained. For If somebody had told me well, people probably did, but of course I didn't listen.
Speaker 2:But if I had known what that would have been like, I may have made a different choice. But that's not the way life works and you can't have an embodied understanding of something unless you actually go through it. So now I have this embodied understanding of how difficult that decision was, but also it's perfect. It's like beautifully perfect, because I've had to learn so much and I've had to grow so much and I've learned to be financially responsible. I wasn't before, I was just spending money, spending money retail therapy you know. There's a million examples I could give you of how I've learned and grown through this decision that eventually brought me to rock bottom. And here I am today. I wouldn't be here today had I not made that decision.
Speaker 1:Do you have an idea of what you would have done differently? When you say, oh, you know, sometimes I think back and I'm like I could have done that differently. But when I ask you this, the caveat is like you have to think about all the things that you didn't like it, all the reasons why you wanted to get a divorce, like what would the cost have been to stay?
Speaker 2:yeah, I mean I really didn't. I don't think I really had the skills for that at the time. I think I went as far as I could. I was in a place of blame where I just blamed him for everything and I was. I had the belief at the time that if I was not in this relationship I wouldn't be having these problems Right. So, I quote, got rid of my partner. I hate that language, but that's just came to mind.
Speaker 1:And I'll even do a caveat of like is that just part of speech? Like something that we say like oh, if I knew that it would be this hard, if I knew of all the costs, like I would do it differently. It's something that we say but that when we think back it's like was there really a way to do it differently? Yeah, I don't like was there really a way to do it?
Speaker 2:differently. Yeah, I don't think there was a way for me to do it differently. If there was, I would have done it. I really think my soul was calling me to something different. I don't particularly like that, to be honest. I don't like that. My family was broken up and it was hard for my kids and my kids didn't have their mom and dad in their house anymore and I lost my house. My human doesn't really enjoy that. That happened. My soul, she is thrilled. My soul is having a party because I've really learned and grown on this journey. So I don't think I could have done it differently. But what would I have done differently? I think, been really honest. I think I would have had to be really honest with myself and with him, and I honestly did not know how to do that.
Speaker 1:So are we talking about like really honest conversations?
Speaker 2:Really honest conversations, of being in the messy, I think, something that I have a lot of skill in now. I have a lot of skill and practice now in the gray. I'm really good in the gray and I've gotten here because I didn't have any idea what gray even meant years ago. I didn't know how to say this is what's coming up for me, these are my feelings, and I don't know what to do about it. And share it with my partner and hold the high sensation of his reaction, because I was very much in a pattern of enabling him.
Speaker 2:We both bought into that pattern and so I was more interested in keeping the peace and keeping things at a status quo of no conflict than I was of being with the truth, and his reactions made me really uncomfortable. It was really just his emotional reactions. He was uncomfortable, he got anxious, he put pressure on me let's resolve this, let's work this out and I needed space and time and it took me a long time to learn how to ask for that. But mostly I was mostly invested in control, changing my truth or lying, so I wouldn't have to see him uncomfortable and I wouldn't have to have the discomfort in my body of his discomfort, because when he was anxious or uncomfortable I would become unstable, and so I didn't put truth first, because I didn't have that skill.
Speaker 1:And so I didn't put truth first because I didn't have that skill. I hear you. It's so true, though it's so uncomfortable to have honest conversations with someone. That's going to have some kind of emotional reaction. That's a podcast in itself. I can't wait to record that one with you. But I want to go back and just say like we touched something right now. I think it's really important for listeners to hear you, especially in your story and describing it. You're like wow, if I just would have known how hard it was. You know, I didn't want to put my family through that Like I wish I could have done it differently. I think a lot of us can live there, and then when we take a pause to really be like well, what would that logistically look like with the person that I was then? And it's like oh, wow, the skills I needed. I didn't have to do it differently, and that's painful, or it can be.
Speaker 2:It's so painful. It's so painful it really is. This is like I'm opening up this spot here. This is like one of my deepest spots. It's so painful and the cost of my decisions were huge and I beat myself up for many, many years because I felt like I hurt the people that I loved the most and that was devastating to me. And I was in a shame hole for years about this. And when I was in a shame hole I had no money because I was just in this bottom. And only until I was willing to actually look at the cost and the impact of my decision and be with that honestly was the only way that I was able to get out of that hole, was the only way that I was able to get out of that hole.
Speaker 2:And what I've learned from all of that? Well, I've learned deep responsibility, deep humility for my human who made a decision, made a mess, hurt people that I loved, hurt myself. I made it really hard for myself and to own that and to not collapse in it. I mean, I spent years collapsed in shame around it but to finally and it took me years have a spine where I was able to say this is what I did and this is the impact and I'm sorry even to myself and what I've learned through that is probably one of the biggest lessons that I've ever learned in my life, which is compassion and self-love.
Speaker 2:We did a whole self-love series and I've had to find the gumption to love myself and have compassion for myself in really difficult spots. I would be up at night, night after night after night, in regret and shame and playing it out in different ways in my mind, as if all of that worry and anxiety would have changed one thing no, we can't go back and change the past, and it took me a long time to learn how to actually be with it. And I have so much compassion for myself now because I'm in the boat of oh, I don't really like how that went, but this is how it went. These are the consequences, and I love and accept myself fully, even though it's really uncomfortable and really sad. And I didn't have the skills back then and I had to go through all of that to learn these skills and it was so messy and I didn't know any other way to do it.
Speaker 1:Well, yes, I mean, I don't think we know ahead of time how to be with messy in this location, and that makes absolutely 100% complete sense. I mean, we're talking about desire In this case. We're talking about desire for separation, divorce, and then if you, listener, are swapping out this desire with something that you want, what's really needed is honesty, like truth, like when Brenda thinks back and says I could have done this differently. We don't really come up with a way that it could have been different. Right, because she needed to become the woman she is today in order to be able to do that of yesterday, maybe finding a good mentor that would help you excavate and be in truth. But who knows? We just don't know. We can speculate and, with my own life experience now, when I think to myself, oh, I could have done that differently, I actually am starting to err in the direction that whatever choice I made was actually the best choice and, even if there is chaos and crap that comes out of it that I would have preferred to not have to live through or experience, that that's actually the best outcome, predominantly because it's one I know and that I get to see in this life that it turned out okay, versus looking back and thinking, oh, I could have done this differently, it could have turned out differently, but the truth is that I don't know I could have caused more mayhem in that direction. There's just no way of knowing.
Speaker 1:There's the phrase right, like we get to have everything we want, but maybe not all at the same time. And so, as a reminder to all listeners like we have desire, we don't always get what we want, and sometimes we have different things that we want all at the same time. And, what's most important, when we have conflict and desires or we're trying to numb ourselves or we don't want to feel the discomfort of potentially going after something and not receiving it, that we be honest with ourselves. That honesty is really one of the most important components, the most important ingredient with desire, because there will always be something shiny, there will always be another way, be another moment to swipe right. There will be always another moment for different 31 flavors of ice cream, maybe 32. There will always be more, more options. And we get to decide.
Speaker 1:Am I staying where I'm at? Am I actually moving towards and building the life that I say that I want, or am I choosing a distraction, choosing something else, even though it's also a desire. Am I really going for and backing the thing that I want? Am I looking to build the life of my dreams? Am I living within my means? Am I taking care of my body? Are my relationships okay?
Speaker 1:Like when we really narrow it down, it's really wealth, health relationships, or health relationships, wealth I guess we could look at it in different, but those are the biggest markers of our life. Who are we spending our time with? Who do we want to spend our time with? Who are the major relationship and players that we want in our life? Who are we spending our time with? Who do we want to spend our time with? Who are the major relationship and players that we want in our life? What kind of income do we want to have? How do we want to live? What kind of body do we want to live in?
Speaker 1:So desire is big and then we narrow it down in these topics, these categories of health, wealth, relationship, mostly because you could have a lot of problems, but once you have a health problem, that's the only problem. You have Just that health problem. All the other problems go away because it doesn't matter. It's completely not a non-issue. Yeah, thank you so much, brenda, for being vulnerable here and sharing this with myself, with listeners. It's really tender to look back at something that we potentially aren't so proud of and having to admit that that is probably the best outcome, even with all the fire alarms and all the things that fell and all the things that got hurt and broken along the way. It's really true.
Speaker 2:I think about that too. Oh, maybe the difficult path that I had was the best outcome. We don't really know, which is why I really stand behind you can't do it wrong. Right, and I love what you said. Maybe I was just supposed to see in this lifetime that it turned out okay, because with all the difficulty it is turning out okay. I've had a lot of peace in my heart. I have the angst too, because that peace it just lives inside of me, but I have a lot of peace in my heart and I've grown so much and now I walk women through these pieces and that is really beautiful.
Speaker 2:And I want to also be really clear that I want to make an edit from earlier that I didn't actually have a desire for divorce. I had this tap on my shoulder and I had a desire to experience life. I had a desire to experience myself. I had a desire to experience myself. I wanted to know myself. I actually wanted to feel desire. You know I was, you know suburban mom worked in, you know all of that and I was like who am I? I just felt like there was something more. I wanted to feel my desire and I don't know the path that I took. That was not in my relationship, you know it had to end, but and that that was how I interpreted it was oh, I'm getting a divorce.
Speaker 1:I can see that right. We want a particular life and we're like, how do we bring this person with us or how do? How do we get to do all those things and still be suburban mom? Like, yeah, totally.
Speaker 2:Those are hard questions. They're really hard questions. I also really want to say that I believe it's possible. Like you can take your partner with you, I think you can 100% invite and take your partner with you. I've seen it happen. It's beautiful. It was not my path.
Speaker 1:I think that's the true statement you can, it's possible. And it doesn't turn out that way for everyone. Exactly Right, so interesting. All the places that we talked, all the corners that we went in conversation today when, in reality, when we first started recording, the thought was how it feels to not get what you want, Like that ouch, that sensation of well you know what, I don't even want to go for it because I'm so afraid of not having it. And to get to the gorgeous places where we've given some examples and we're now saying, well, so the gorgeous places where we've given some examples and we're now saying, well, maybe there's no wrong way, but you do have to be in the game, going for it. Like there may not be a wrong way, but there is a way. Like you have to be on the path, attempting to get there, otherwise getting there is almost impossible. Otherwise getting there is almost impossible.
Speaker 1:And today we also talked about feeling into what life do you want? And you may have conflicting desires. There may be like shiny syndrome, where you know everything looks really shiny and you want to say yes to all the pieces and parts and all the things. But if you're looking for energy and you're saying yes to everything and you have no energy. Well, that's something to look at, something to ask yourself where am I saying yes, where I should not be saying yes because I need to honor myself? Or if you're looking to save for that house or that car or that purchase, if you're buying everything that's shiny and you need to be with yourself and ask yourself, hey, is this really helping me reach my desire? Like, where are we really and are we really honoring and backing ourselves? Thank you so much, everyone for tuning in today. If there was something that resonated with you deeply, please let us know. We'd love to hear from you. Thank you, bye for now.
Speaker 2:Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.
Speaker 1:Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.
