99 ~ What if the thing you're missing...is rest?

In this episode, we dive into the deep medicine of sacred rest. What happens when you intentionally put everything down and step away from the constant pull of work, screens, and to-dos. Through the lens of Brenda’s personal Shabbat practice, we explore how ritualized pauses create room for desire, clarity, and real connection.

We live in a culture that celebrates hustle and constant output. Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, creator, or all of the above, honoring your need for rest isn’t indulgent, it’s essential.

Let’s talk about how creating boundaries around downtime helps us reclaim our energy, re-center our values, and show up more fully in every part of life. Your version of rest doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. The key is discovering what truly replenishes you and protecting it like your wellbeing depends on it. Because it does.

Episode Highlights:
• How Brenda’s Shabbat practice became a portal to deep rest and connection
• Why sacred rest is essential in a world that never stops
• The paradox of being constantly “connected” but deeply disconnected
• How rest helps us access our truest desires
• The resistance that shows up when we try to unplug—and how to move through it
• Simple ideas for building your own rest ritual
• How mothers and caregivers set the pace for rest in the whole household
• Why intentional downtime is a power move, not a pause button

Let us know what landed for you...we love hearing from you.  If you liked this episode, leave a review on Apple podcasts!

Chapters

• 1:47 Connecting Desire, Time and Values
• 4:22 The Beauty of Shabbat Practice
• 6:36 Technology and Disconnection Challenges
• 9:28 The Necessity of Taking Days Off
• 13:12 Creating and Guarding Your Rest Time
• 17:52 Balancing Desire with Downtime

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:08

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

Speaker 1: 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine.

Speaker 2: 0:36

And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student, even after decades of inner work.

Speaker 1: 1:00

We are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

Speaker 2: 1:12

On the Desires Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Welcome back family, friends, listeners. Today I am here with the lovely Brenda and we will be chatting about something that we've talked about from different angles, so it's going to be sort of like an umbrella view. Then we're going to narrow it in and then we're going to go back to umbrella view. What am I talking about? Talking about desire and time, Desire and values.

Speaker 2: 2:08

Brenda has a gorgeous practice that she has spoken about many times on this podcast, which is her Shabbat. It's like the time when she makes her bread and that she has like a ritual where there's gratitude and, depending on who's there, how it's set up, but technically she's sort of putting everything down from sundown to sundown. I think it is, and it's such a gorgeous practice and I want to tie that practice and then come back to it. I'm going to tie the practice to. We've talked on many podcasts. I think we have a whole podcast on being a fully resourced woman and what does that look like? We've talked on many podcasts. I think we have a whole podcast on being a fully resourced woman, and what does that look like?

Speaker 2: 2:48

We've talked about transitions, like what happens when you're in the peak and the valley, the up and the down when you have a really highly sensational like travel or a celebration of some kind, and how the body just needs to self-regulate, some regulation time to land. And we've talked about the transitioning of this, like how you move from your high to your low and how you rest when you need to rest and you move when you need to move, and how we can be in the ebb and flow of that, because we're human beings and we can't possibly always have the exact amount of time that's needed. And I want to say that, just like Brenda, we need it in our calendar. I want to suggest that it really has value.

Speaker 2: 3:47

It's not something I personally own right now. It's not in my weekly. I try to have it, but more. I have a lot of seasons in the day, so there's moments when I'm moving, moments when I'm resting, but I think the body needs just more time. Brenda, what do you think? How has Shabbat really shaped? And it's not just about the Shabbat, it's all those hours and the time where you just put everything down and you're just with yourself family, loved ones. Do you want to speak to that?

Speaker 1: 4:18

I would love to speak to that because Shabbat is one of my favorite times of the week. I absolutely love it. And why do I love it? Because I put everything down. So Shabbat is the Jewish celebration of the end of the week. It starts sundown on Friday and it does go till sundown on Saturday. I don't observe that, but many people do does go till sundown on Saturday. I don't observe that, but many people do and it's a time to sit, pause, reflect, let the week go, bake and break bread with friends and family and just be with yourself. And I do bake bread not every week, and I do bake bread not every week, but the idea of it is just absolutely beautiful. And in doing Shabbat every Friday for the last few years I didn't grow up doing it I have come to love this practice because it's a time to put everything down and I actually clear my schedule for most of Friday because I'm preparing for Shabbat, because I really give it the time that it's due.

Speaker 1: 5:26

Now you could substitute Shabbat for anything. It could be your Sunday night spaghetti dinner with your family. I think it really is important to your point, catherine, of having something where you put everything down and you come together, and I personally love a meal with family and friends, because sitting at the table together, eating the candles are going. There's bread that was baked, there's no technology, the TV is not on, you don't have your phones. That used to be the norm in our world and now it's really not.

Speaker 1: 6:15

Our people are going and going and going to the point of exhaustion. There is technology everywhere, which is absolutely wonderful. Everyone's going to the point of exhaustion. There's technology everywhere, which is absolutely wonderful. Everyone's connected to the internet. So many perks, right, we wouldn't be here if that was not in existence. And then there's a downside as well. I think it's really opened the door for us to keep going, keep working, just go, go, go, go go. And we're seeing people feeling more disconnected than ever. There's more depression. Mothers are exhausted, women are exhausted, the kids are on the phone. Everybody's going in a different direction. Parents don't know what to do with their kids. How do you get your kids off the phone? It's just an endless cycle of madness, actually. And so having something, whatever it is, for you to just turn all of that off and come to the table maybe literally is priceless. Maybe literally is priceless.

Speaker 2: 7:21

It's absolutely priceless. It is priceless and I want to introduce the concept of potentially just being off. I think just being off has so many benefits. I'm definitely not at a place where all technology is down and there's no television and things like that. I think I want to be Brenda when I grow up. It's sort of that sensation, but I do want to get there. I can see, as I witness you, how rejuvenating it is, how rejuvenating it is, and I'm slowly working my way that way, like moving my calendar around. I'm sort of going to play with some things in July to see if I can build into my calendar a day of the week where I just have more time off, where I'm just not doing anything unless I want to there are no have tos built into that day to see how I feel, because I do think that I am starting to crave a hard stop. Yeah, I feel you.

Speaker 1: 8:33

I take one day off, completely off, every week. I love my work. It's so hard to take a day off sometimes. I love my business, I love creating content, I love doing this podcast with you, and as much as I love it actually because I love it so much is why I take the day off, because doing something every day if I did it seven days a week it's actually not better. It's like the old saying if you eat too many carrots, your skin turns orange, and if you have your favorite cake and more cake isn't necessarily better you have the extra slice of cake and then you feel nauseous. Well, as much as I love my work and as much as I love editing our podcast and posting on Instagram it's so much fun Doing it every single day with no break isn't better. So I generally take off on Sunday. Sunday's my day.

Speaker 1: 9:28

I don't do any work. Do I want to do some work? Yes, but it's a place where I hold myself and I reparent myself and I don't do work. Sometimes I'll do some writing or journaling, which definitely is part of my business. I write for my business and I'll sometimes do that if I'm really in a role. But I'm not editing podcasts. I'm not on Instagram. I'm not doing all of that because we need a rest, we need a break, we really do so. I do Sundays.

Speaker 2: 10:01

I'm hearing you almost talk about just unplugging. It's sort of worth calling it rest right now, but I would go as far as saying we just need a day that's off and unplugged. We've talked about this as well in other ways and other podcasts, where I have the practice of putting my phone down at night and I do pick it back up in the morning. Brenda has a much stronger morning routine than I do, which is great, and I really have seen in the past few months I've been playing with different versions of this how does it look? What about if this day is off? What about that day off? And from this time to this time, I don't have the answer just yet, but I really appreciate Brenda showing me and me living vicariously through you just how much you get from being unplugged. And yes, you have the ritual of Shabbat, which is an added benefit. Right, you're in connection and you're with people and you're in gratitude and there's all this fun stuff that's taking place. But I also have other friends that don't practice Shabbat and they do unplug and they do have days off, and that's where I'm leaning. I'm saying, oh, I can really see the upswing, the plus side to that, the being able to put everything down, like really being able to put everything down is a practice in itself.

Speaker 2: 11:30

I don't think it's that easy, because if it was that easy I would be doing it. I would just say today is off and I would just do it. But I pick a time off and then maybe there's a call to make or something to do and I can't move it to another day. I'm still working with my own personal boundaries around this, right, brenda? How was it for you to set this up? So I'm still working on that personal boundary to get off that off day, or maybe it's a buffer day or just a me day of some kind, and I want to encourage listeners to do the same because I can see the benefit. But what was it like for you when you started to create this for yourself?

Speaker 1: 12:13

It's a great question. I think it's hard. I think it was hard. It's hard to create it. I always worked. I was a school teacher so I always had a lot of built in time off. But having my own business, I don't have that and, like I said, I really love doing my work. But what was it like at the beginning? Hard, but you know it's also hard being really cranky because you don't have any time off. That's really hard.

Speaker 1: 12:38

And we talk a lot on this podcast about acting your own desire and backing yourself, because to have the life that we want, it requires us to back ourselves and to show up for ourselves, to back ourselves and to show up for ourselves. So I do have built in Friday night dinners and sometimes it's crunchy getting there. So I do take Friday. I give myself a lot of space to cook, or sometimes I bake bread. I give myself a lot of space and sometimes it just feels crunchy. Sometimes I quote don't want to do it. I'm like, oh, I don't really feel like cooking. Sometimes I quote don't want to do it. I'm like, oh, I don't really feel like cooking, or nobody quote seems to be helping Right, but I've learned to ask for help.

Speaker 1: 13:18

I host the dinner, so I always hold it. I'm the bottom line Pretty much. If I don't hold it, shabbat isn't, shabbat, dinner isn't happening. So I'm cooking. Sometimes it's crunchy or I'm tired. So I'm cooking, sometimes it's crunchy or I'm tired, and I've learned inside of that to slow down.

Speaker 1: 13:38

And then there's something about the table being set, lighting the candles. My friends or family are at the table, we light the candles. There's a ritual involved. Ritual is really beautiful because it's alchemical. It takes you from one place to a next. We sing and I could feel when the candles are lit and we're singing, I could feel the tension melting away, the tension of the week or the or challenging, and we've had a lot of challenging things happen in the world lately. We always have challenging things happening in our personal lives. Friday night, shabbat comes, no matter what, and it comes every Friday, and so every Friday I get to sit down and do this ritual and I can actually breathe deeper when I do it.

Speaker 1: 14:34

And so what I'm pointing to is that it takes work to have what we want in life. So is it? Maybe some people probably have it really easy. They have a lot of time off and maybe they need to work more, but that's not what we're talking about. So maybe you need to actually schedule it, like put it in your calendar. Sometimes I do that too. I'll block off time in my calendar and say, busy, I'm not scheduling anything. So we really need to back ourselves here, because if we don't create it for ourselves, who's going to? And then, when you're a mother and you're the woman of the home, you're setting the pace for your entire family, and so if your kids aren't sitting down, if they're not sitting down and resting, well, you've created that and it's not really very fun.

Speaker 2: 15:30

It's not fun at all. Amen.

Speaker 1: 15:32

It's stressful. It's stressful to keep going. I talk to a lot of mothers and they're constantly on the go.

Speaker 2: 15:40

And.

Speaker 1: 15:40

I want to bring in this other little piece, which is if you work a nine to five a Monday through Friday, that is really hard. You, I think you, have to back yourself even more because if you work Monday through Friday, traditional job Saturday often is errands, laundry, cooking, shopping, bringing the kids places. Sunday is sometimes family or maybe you have somewhere to go. Where's your rest day? You didn't have to go to work, but you didn't really have a day off. So I guard my days. I guard them Like I'm literally a watchdog in front of the pyramid, going no, not going to book stuff, because my time for myself to just have spaciousness, to do nothing on a Sunday is priceless.

Speaker 2: 16:34

It fuels me for the rest of my week. I need that. I think that's a gorgeous way to say it. You need to guard the day off. Like have built in time off. It is priceless, really. Like you said, it's absolutely priceless. I loved when you said the. It's an alchemical experience where you get from one place to the next. That's such a great reminder about ritual.

Speaker 2: 17:05

And ultimately, in this episode, I just want to remind everyone that we have tons and tons of desires. Sometimes we can voice them, sometimes we cannot. Sometimes they are a real need, sometimes they are a want, but we still need to make time for downtime, like yes, we need to go after what we want. Yes, desire is the thing that fuels us. It can be our medicine. But we need to balance that seesaw. We need to balance the equation and, at the very least, have one day off or find the amount of time that you can realistically take off and begin slowly and start playing with that Like what does that look like? Do I have a day in time where I can put everything down? Oh, I was just on that vacation. Or I'm going on vacation I know I'm going to have a great time or I'm going to be with family friends or I'm not. I'm going to be completely extroverted for seven days. I know that on the other side of that, I need some downtime. Can I book that, knowing ahead of time? And little by little, we start to see the things that we need, we start to learn our own ebbs and flows, we start to sort of understand our own rhythm, just how I was saying.

Speaker 2: 18:27

I've been practicing with this for the past few months and I know that I have most of the seasons or like focus time, off time, rest time, buffer time all happening all in the same day and it's not really working for me anymore. And as I look out into the world, as we often do, right, we look, hey, is there a better way to do this? Is there a different way to do this? Can I look out into the world and see someone successfully going through this? I'm like, oh, yes, brenda, brenda has this beautiful ritual of Shabbat. Yes, it's time off, coupled with intimacy and connection with loved ones and family. And for me I'm like, oh, I want to build that into my calendar and I just want it to be off time. Maybe sometimes it'll have intimacy and connection with loved ones and family, and sometimes maybe not.

Speaker 2: 19:19

For me, what's most important is the off time, because that's something that's not currently built into my calendar, so we have to take an overall umbrella view of what's missing in my week. What do I really need to add? Maybe I need to add a focus day. Maybe I'm just all over the place. I need to get myself organized. Maybe I need a buffer day, prepare myself for that focus day, or maybe I just need to put everything down and sort of come back to myself where the phone isn't there and technology isn't there. I invite you to figure out what you need in your time and space, what ritual you can add, what would you like to alchemize? What is your version of Shabbat dinner? What is your version of an off day? Let us know what landed for you. Thank you so much for listening and for tuning in Until next time. Bye, for now.

Speaker 1: 20:20

Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.

Speaker 2: 20:23

Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.