119 ~ Rituals, Desire, And The Art Of Making Life Special

What if you stopped waiting for an invitation and started treating life like it matters today?  Catherine and Brenda explore the power of ritual, the medicine of desire, and the steady courage it takes to create meaning in your own life.  From the circle of the Grand Ole Opry to a candlelit bill paying session at a kitchen table, they look at how a small shift in attention changes everything.

They explore the trap of waiting for the perfect moment and offer a grounded reframe. Work with what is here right now. Brenda shares simple practices that steady her each day and shift her energy and her relationships in real time. Catherine explores the pressure to say yes in communities where sacrifice is praised and how clear boundaries become a form of self-respect.

Perception becomes a practical tool. They look at how algorithms shape mood and how choosing beauty and kindness can expand possibility. They offer simple ways to bring ceremony to chores. Music, soft lighting, a favorite glass, or a comfortable robe. The task stays the same but the experience shifts, along with the willingness to keep showing up. The idea of every day as a holiday becomes a map.  It's up to us to you make our own life feel meaningful.

They explore how ritual and perception shape ordinary moments and why waiting for an invitation keeps people outside the lives they want. They share daily practices, boundary setting, and practical ways to make hard tasks pleasurable.

Episode Highlights

 • ceremony and ritual as daily tools for meaning
 • creating your own drum roll
 • moving from future wish to present action
 • speaking your true yes and a true no with courage
 • simple morning rituals that fuel joy and change perspective
 • perception as practice and curating your algorithm
 • turning chores into pleasure with design and attention
 • honoring impermanence and celebrating small wins

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Chapters

• 1:36 Ceremony, Ritual, And Invitations
• 3:58 Create Your Own Drum Roll
• 6:30 From Waiting To Acting Now
• 9:45 True Yes, True No, And Courage
• 12:40 Daily Rituals That Fuel Joy
• 17:05 Meaning, Perception, And Possibility
• 20:05 Rewriting Your Algorithm And Attention
• 23:10 Make Hard Tasks Pleasurable

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:07

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

SPEAKER_00: 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life, motherhood, relationships, and my business. Desire has taken me on quite a ride, and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher, turned coach and guide of the feminine.

SPEAKER_01: 0:36

And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married, I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of Tired and Wired, and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker, and a forever student.

SPEAKER_00: 0:58

Even after decades of inner work, we are humble beginners, on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

SPEAKER_01: 1:12

On the Desire is Medicine podcast, we talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked: being responsible for our desire. Welcome back, family, friends, loved ones. Brenda and I are here recording for you. And today, what's top of mind is we've actually had a guest that talks about this ceremony and ritual. The different ways that it shows up in our own lives. Potentially it's like birthdays, anniversaries, baby showers, all the holidays that I'm thinking of. A marathon or something that you can actually run or be in. Maybe that there's a league that you play in. Maybe there's bingo or some kind of Uno 21. When I was in Nashville, I they were celebrating their hundredth year. And I'm going to chop this again. I think it's Grand Ole Opri. I think I mess it up and call it Grand Ole Opry. I think it's Opri. And I was taken by how everybody, when I was watching the videos, all the different artists that have been on that stage. So somebody comes on the stage, or people get invited to the show to record all the time, to participate, to be the featured artists, etc. But only X amount of people get invited to be members. Right now I just have a different thought. I'm not sure if we're gonna, I'm gonna put it in this podcast, if I'm gonna talk about it in this podcast or not, because it's like merging with that different thought that I have. I just want to share that. It's about bullying. But anyway, okay. So there will be an artist that's invited to join the grand old Opri? Opry. That person's like, wow, I am so floored that you asked me, right? Like, I it's such a privilege to be part of this like elite people that stand on this stage, and so many people before them stood on this stage, and I got to stand on that circle because I took it a little tour. And there is this feeling of you're in something big. But would I have felt that with all of the bump bum bum bump, like without all the drum roll? I don't know. So today, what I want to talk about is where can we add more drum roll in our own lives? Because if we're always looking for the invitation, like when you're looking for the invitation, sometimes you kind of feel left out, which is has what has me think of like that bully piece. Like there's so much noise around bullying and the internet and people getting canceled, and people just want to say the craziest things in comments. Because you can't really see the person, it's not happening in real life. And often as a society, we're like, oh my god, I can't believe you did that, or I can't believe they did that, or I can't believe such and such threw a party and such and such wasn't invited. But I just visit visited and saw a show that's been running for a hundred years and not everybody got invited to be a member. I don't know if that show has ever been canceled because people weren't invited. I feel like that whole ritual, let's make this a really big deal and let's invite the people that we love and care about is seen everywhere. And do we really need to take it personally when we're not invited? And that's just like a slither of what I, you know, like throwing the bully piece in there. But bigger than that, where can we create our own ritual, our own grandiosity in our lives to feel really excited about things? Like, where can we drum up more juz for the things that we care about in life?

SPEAKER_00: 5:33

So fun. Where can we create our own grandiosity, our own drum roll, our own creation? I mean, I feel like this is everything we're talking about on this podcast, is basically how do you have your desires, which really is how do you have the life that you want? How do you create the life that you want, which is what our desires are for? They bring us to that. And then what do you do while you're on the path of desire? So you might not have the X, Y, Z that you want yet. You could get stuck and say, well, when I have that thing, then I will, dot, dot, dot. But that just delays your actions for the future. And I think we can reorient to the present. And what can you do now? I mean, my goodness, so much of creation and joy of and self-love is what comes to mind. Like, how do you how do you enjoy yourself? How do you you have a day to yourself? What do you want to do? How do you want your day to be? How do you want your life to be? Right? You're not gonna sit around and I mean, maybe you could wait for a partner to make things happen for you or friends or anyone or a particular amount of money, regardless of where you are on the financial scale, you can take good care of yourself. Well, obviously, more money gives more choices, but what I'm saying is, how can you treat yourself really well? How can you treat yourself really well? What do you want to eat? How do you want to feel? What do you want to do? And there's times in life that we have more choice than other times, and privilege comes in, finances certainly come in. But what can you do with what you've got? What can you do with what you've got? Because no matter where you are, you can be victimized by it in some way. Or there's always some future point of, oh, when I have this thing, I'll do that. And life is in the now. And so you can create more grandiosity in your life by taking those actions that you really want to take. And that doesn't mean that it's going to be comfortable or familiar, but I think that's where the juice of life is.

SPEAKER_01: 8:11

That's so good. I really appreciate how grounded you made it. Like when I'm thinking grandiosity, I'm thinking of like what does the ritual look like? And I think you're really good with ritual. You have your morning ritual, your night ritual, that sort of thing. We've definitely done podcasts on that. But I like the phrase that you used. Amen to that. Like, how can I treat myself really well with what I have right now, versus complaining about what I don't have and what I don't get to do and what I would really like to do and what I would do if I was even hearing as you were talking about, like I could see women saying, Oh, I can't go because of the kids, or I can't do that because of the kids, or I can't do that because of my husband, I can't do that because of work. And can we rephrase that for ourselves and ask ourselves, like, what would it take so that I could? Like, what would I have to do, or who do I have to be? What has to change?

SPEAKER_00: 9:12

And that's a loaded question. What do I have to do to change this, to make this happen when you believe that you can't have it because of XYZ? I think it just takes a a lot of gumption, a little delusion, and a lot of desire, and a huge amount of self-responsibility to have what you want. It doesn't have to be giant things. It could be a spoonful. It could be saying no when you're really saying yes. It could be something as small as that. Or it could be like it's such a good one. I think we could come to that back to that in some form on every episode because it's like the crux of like shifting your life, your true yes and no, I think is the crux of it. Like being willing to disappoint someone. Yeah. We just get really stuck in obligation and sacrifice. It's so easy to do as women. It's so easy to do. It's celebrated. And it's not the only way. And changing that means that you have to be able to hold that. You have to be able to be the woman to stand in the face of somebody maybe not understanding what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01: 10:36

Well, not being happy with your response, right? Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 10:39

And so it's easier to just keep going along and doing the same things. You know, you have like a way of being in your social circle. And maybe that is in a group of moms at the bus stop, say, complaining, you don't have enough time. Everyone's always making a mess. I can never do what I want to do because I have to cook, I have to clean, I have to do this, I have to do that, and my husband gets home. You can certainly go on that ride. But then if you're standing at the bus stop one day with those women and you're like, this really isn't fun anymore, because I'll tell you that's not really fun. And you want to think outside the box and do it differently, you know, there's a social ramification to that. Like we want to belong. We want to be part of the group. And so it sometimes is easier to go along with the group than to just do what you want to do. It takes a lot of courage. Takes a lot of courage to do it.

SPEAKER_01: 11:41

It really does. It really does. Where would you say is a place where you can really step into that grandiosity for yourself? Like where you have potentially a ritual or you have a way of celebrating where you are, how far you've come, that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00: 12:01

The way that I step into that myself is honestly, it's just very simple. For me, it's well, there's so many ways I want to answer this. It's actually really simple. I I need to go out into nature every day. I need to get up. I'm pretty routined in the morningslash ritual, however you want to say it. I'm very ritualistic. And there's a it's not rigid. There's a lot of room for flexibility. It used to be very rigid. Celebrate my life and myself by doing what I need to do to give myself the fuel for the day. And for me, and it's different for everybody, I have a bunch of water when I wake up. I get myself outside. Before I even go to the bathroom, I have my face in the sun early in the morning. I put my face in the sun. I and then I go on a walk. I need to get into nature. I love to do some yoga and some movement. I do some prayer and meditation. I was with some friends over the weekend, and one of my friends said to me, Oh my God, you just wake up and you're just in the best mood. I'm like, I did not wake up this way. I don't wake up all happy and excited about life. I mean, sometimes I do, but sometimes I wake up having feelings or grumpy or resentful or something spinning in my mind. And I just don't go on the ride of those things as much as I can. I just know the best way to honor myself is to get my ass out in the sun. Right now I'm living by the beach, get my ass to the beach, and seeing the ocean, seeing the sun or the clouds or whatever it is that day, seeing the way the sand is, seeing the birds, seeing other people, what's happening there, it changes my perspective. It shows me what's possible. And nature reminds me how very small I really am. Nature shows me how impermanent things are. So this is this is how I celebrate my own grandiosity by honoring the exact rituals that I need in order to live my life. So I created a structure for myself that I can land in every day that brings me back to myself. And then once I'm in myself, in my own energy and I feel my own desire and possibility, well, anything's possible then. And I could leave the in the morning and feel annoyed at my partner or uncertain about something that I'm gonna do that day. And this is just me. Maybe it's different for everybody else, but this is just one perspective. I come back from my walk and I'm like, oh, hi, it's so great to see you. Where before I was like, don't even freaking talk to me. He didn't do anything different. I just honored myself by giving myself what I know I need.

SPEAKER_01: 15:21

That's so good. I love that. Love how you spoke about the impermanence. How you go out in the morning and part of your virtual day-to-day is let me just see that life is just not that serious. Like it's a lot bigger than me in this little like this little dot in this big world. This is just me going to the beach, doing some movement. That's it. When I was thinking about this ritual piece was because I'm gonna do it again. When they were celebrating 100 years and all these people were talking about being on the on the circle, etc. And I was so excited to be there, then I was thinking about holidays, like how we celebrate, you know, Hanukkah or Christmas or Easter, New Year's, and how these holidays have so much power in them, and we use those days as part of like family ritual to do certain things, but really it could be any day of the week. It doesn't have to be that day. I mean, if we had to do a Thanksgiving meal every day, I think that would be a lot. But technically, if we drum up interest in something and we're living it, somewhere in that ritual, we give it even more meaning. And so I was with and being with, we're basically the ones giving important things meaning, whether we like it or not. And I recognize that a lot of the times I mean we had a whole podcast on spinning, right? When your mind is spinning and worried about all the worst case scenarios and how it takes a particular level of practice to do a spin on all the best case scenarios. I win the lottery and then I win the lottery, and then I win the lottery again. It's not where the mind goes. The mind is like, I want to keep you safe and let's think about all the potential things that can kill you along the way between now and 2:30 or whatever that is. But really, it's often a lot of the time, whether we love something or hate something, it's our perception. It's like how we see it, how it was sold to us, how we sold it to ourselves. And I am just proposing that we start to see the possibility and everything.

SPEAKER_00: 17:58

Amen. I'm all about possibility. I love it. I think it's great. I mean, one of my teachers used to say, if somebody said to her, How are you doing? She would say, If things are going my way, then I'm doing great. If things aren't going my way, then I'm doing great because then I'm learning. It's a great perspective because in that scenario, nothing's ever bad. Things are just going the way she wants, and that's amazing, or she's learning. It's an anything's possible perspective. And with that mindset, it really does open up the door to possibilities. And that is totally perception. You do get to choose that, you know. But we are kind of addicted to bad news in our society, it getting worse and worse as scrolling and algorithms get more dialed in. I just see people and I've seen myself just get so caught up in doom scrolling and it takes a toll on you. But even that, you get to choose. I'm currently in the process of changing my algorithm because I don't like it. I read somebody recently who was like, I have equestrian horses on my algorithm. Like, oh, I need more pets on my algorithm. I don't want bad news, but we are in control of that. Your social media is the way it is because that's what you look at. The more you look at the bad news, the more the bad news is shown to you. It's funny. And we kind of get off on that. And then we think we're right.

SPEAKER_01: 19:29

Yes, then our algorithm is just showing us our perspective with different people, different talking heads saying the same thing that we think. And then we think we're right.

SPEAKER_00: 19:37

And there's and you could change it. And I've done that over the last year with all the war and images going on, a lot of like crazy things going on in the world. I have literally changed my algorithm on Instagram, and now I'm currently working on doing that on Facebook. And it's just a metaphor for life. It's like, how do you want to see the world? You do get to choose. You get to choose. Even when you think you don't.

SPEAKER_01: 20:07

Maybe that's one of the ways that we change our ritual. I was introducing today's podcast as part of like that ritual. How do we make certain things special, like certain occasions special or certain non-special moments special? And you're giving me an even more micro view as opposed to a macro view. What are you scrolling? And can you change that so that it feeds you in a way that is working for you in a way that's helping build you versus tear you down? This is food for thought, my love.

SPEAKER_00: 20:48

Food for thought. We get to decide. Another one of my teachers used to say, bringing in pleasure. How can you make your life more pleasurable? Oh, you have to do your bills or you have to do things that you don't want to do. Okay, it's part of adulting. There's things there's things that you don't want to do. I didn't want to clean the floor with all the onion powder that spilt all over the floor this morning when I dropped it, but I had to. But how can you make it more pleasurable? You know, you can get yourself a wonderful drink that you love. You can put some lemon or raspberries in your water, you can put it in a crystal cup. You do not need to wait for Thanksgiving or company to use your nice glasses. You could put on a bathrobe, you can put on some music, you can dim the lights, you can light a candle, and then your bills just became way more fun. I mean, you're still doing your bills, but you're creating a ritual around it and you're making it pleasurable for yourself. Look at what is what are you doing in your life that might be like something that you're dreading a little bit or that's hard? How can you make it more pleasurable? How can you make it better for you? How can you dial up the grandiosity of it and just have a good time with it?

SPEAKER_01: 22:04

I love that. I love that this is what we're pointing to today in this podcast, on this episode of how can we make it more pleasurable? How can we create more of a ritual around it? How can we just make this moment feel better? How can this be almost like a holiday? Like something that we celebrate in ourselves or with others. How can this just be the best moment?

SPEAKER_00: 22:29

Every day is a holiday. Let's just say every day is a holiday because it is a blessing to be alive. Life is really short. I think back to my grandmothers and how much I loved them. They both died in their 90s. And I look back now and I'm like, wow, like they're gone. And they've been gone for a while. And I'll never see them again. And they had a whole life. They had a whole life of marriage and children raising and grandchildren and grand great grandchildren. And then it's done. So yeah, every day is a holiday. It just is. We do have to appreciate each day that we wake up because there are no guarantees in life.

SPEAKER_01: 23:22

Oh good. So that's the wrap today. Every day is a holiday. That's where we're that's where we're ending. I love that every day is a holiday. Why not? Today we gave you some musings on every day is a holiday, and it's all about perception. And where can you infuse your power and make it even more memorable for yourself? Where can you make it more pleasurable? Where can this moment or the thing that you're sort of not wanting to do become the best thing? Right? Like, how can we use the fact that we know we want to celebrate holidays? The fact that we know that if there's a ritual around something, it automatically becomes just so much more important for us. How can we use that in our benefit to benefit us and benefit the world that we want to live in and create for ourselves and each other? With that, if you enjoyed this podcast, please let us know. Like, share, comment, leave a review. It's really the best way to support us. I can't thank you enough. Bye for now.

SPEAKER_00: 24:44

Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.

SPEAKER_01: 24:48

Desire invites us to be honest, loving, and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.