145 ~ Can I Be Done Yet? When You Are Tired of Digesting

The most annoying moment in growth is when you swear you are done, then the same old lesson taps you on the shoulder again. We honest about that “are you kidding me” feeling and why emotional digestion can feel heavy, irritating, and never-ending. We are deep in our digestion era, and we unpack what it really means to process an experience, metabolize the wisdom, and create space for more life. 

We draw a clear line between being genuinely complete and using “I’m over it” as a shield. Sometimes you have reached neutrality: your body feels settled, the charge is gone, and the lesson is integrated. Other times, you're I'm done just means you're at capacity. We talk about slowing down to go fast, why forcing healing can become another form of overworking, and how to be responsible for your desire without shaming yourself into constant self-improvement. 

As we tease apart completion vs avoidance, we offer simple ways to check in with our bodies so we can choose what to process now, later, or not at all.  

Some practical self check-ins to guide your next step: 

• Do I still feel an emotional charge? 
• Is there something I need to own? 
• Am I avoiding a feeling? 
• Am I complete for now? 

We shared real life examples, including grief that returns in layers across decades and the surprising truth that digestion can feel like a video game with new levels as we change. If you need permission to put something down, or clarity on when to lean in, this conversation gives you both. 

What are you ready to digest, and what are you choosing to bookmark for later?

Some episode bullet points: 
• why the same lessons can circle back like groundhog day  
• the difference between true completion and emotional avoidance  
• how capacity and life seasons shape emotional processing  
• letting digestion happen in layers without forcing it  
• the risk of turning inner work into perfectionism  
• bookmarking a painful topic until we have resources  
• quick check-ins for emotional charge and responsibility  
• grief as a long unwind across decades  
• permission to opt in or opt out with intention  

Transcript

Welcome And Host Introductions

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life, motherhood, relationships, and my business. Desire has taken me on quite a ride, and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher, turned coach and guide of the feminine.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married, I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of Tired and Wired, and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker, and a forever student.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Even after decades of inner work, we are humble beginners, on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

On the Desire as Medicine podcast, we talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked: being responsible for our desire.

The Digestion Era And Burnout

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Welcome back, family, friends, listeners, and my co-host Brenda. So here we are for another episode on digestion. We've been circling that digestion brain drain for a while, a few episodes now. It's like we're in the digestion era. We're doing a digestion era tour. What happens when we just don't want to process something anymore? We don't want to digest it. It's like, can't I just be done? That's one of the locations. There are others, but let's just, what's the word? Let's commiserate. Brenda, let's commiserate.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Let's commiserate. Like, are we back here really? Like you're going through this life experience. And then it's like, oh my God, am I back here again? It's like groundhog day. This is coming up again. Catherine and Brenda, you want me to digest this again? Are you kidding me? I already worked on this. But I have a new outfit on, so we're gonna do it again. Definitely because of the outfit.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

It's so annoying. Digesting something again isn't always gonna feel great. And it's like sometimes it's just the weight of sitting with things again and being with what happened, how did I feel when it happened? What's still here for me? And the when I feel into that, when I'm annoyed by it, I'm sort of like over it. Just like overlooking at this. And it's an interesting, I don't want to call it conundrum, but let's pull it apart a bit and talk about some distinctions.

Completion Versus Avoidance

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Sometimes we are genuinely over it. Sometimes we can't see anymore at this level that we're at. Like we feel complete, and no matter how we look at it or from what corner, there's no new sort of like revelation. And that can change, and it can be frustrating because something pops up again, and you're like, I thought I was done with that. And then there are times where it's like, I'm done, I'm complete, but really we just want to avoid it. We don't want to think about it anymore. There's still a charge there. It's like it feels heavy and irritating, and like I just don't feel like it. Maybe there's still some emotional reactivity to it. Maybe the story, like what we made it mean at that time, is still really alive. And no matter where we are, whether we're just avoiding it or we're done with like we've done all we can do with what we have at this time. Those are okay. Like it's fine. Nothing is wrong. Like it's fine. Yes, the feeling of completion is amazing. That feeling where you feel like you're neutral, you have clarity, you don't have an urge to revisit it. When you check your body, you feel settled. Like you've extracted the wisdom and the lessons. Like you feel, oh yeah, I I hit my Mount Everest. Like I'm done here. And that could change. And that's okay. You didn't do it wrong. Like nothing is wrong. Sometimes we're tired or sick and tired of looking at something. Like, I don't want to look at the progress bar with this thing anymore. I'm just done. Sometimes it's overwhelming. Like, there's so much to do in life. Like, I have to look at

Capacity And Slowing Down

SPEAKER_01 5:06

this. This actually was part of I've been traveling a lot this past year, like this past 12 months. I have been going all over the place and just doing a lot and living a lot of life. And I have to tell you guys, like sometimes I meet with Brenda and she's like, you need to slow down. I'm like, I don't want to. I don't want to. I feel like there's just so much to metabolize, like so many big experiences. But we the age old, we have to sort of go slow to go fast. I definitely can resonate with the thought, the thoughts that come in of like, I should be done with this by now, or like, didn't I process this enough already? And like all the stages are okay. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

They're all okay. In fact, being in acceptance of where you are right now in your own digestion process is huge because there's wisdom in it. So if you're like, I am sick of digesting this experience, there's wisdom in there for you. It's time to pivot. Maybe you've gotten all the juice out of it right now. It's nothing new right now. And it will naturally come up again in the future. There's no need to force anything. There's no need to push yourself, there's no need to shame yourself. There's no need to become a perfectionist and say, I need to do this all the way through and punish yourself. There's wisdom there. It's okay to move on. Believe me, people, if there is something more for you to learn, it will show up in your life again because this is a lifetime subscription.

Life Lessons Unfold In Layers

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Digesting your life is a lifetime subscription. Right. And you're not ever in the same location as you were before. That's the thing, and that's what we're pointing to with this ongoing digestion in layers, is that you are a new person. With every perspective, you integrate the lessons that you learned from the last time you digested it. You bring it into your life, you bring it into your new relationships. And then, oh my God, this is coming up for me again? Are you kidding me? Yeah, because you're now you're a new person, you're at a new level. So there's something new available for you to see. And that's really cool. I think that's a gift because that doesn't really come to everybody. I think it's like, oh, you're open to life. You're open to the lessons of life because we're here to evolve. Right. And I would say that it's pretty rare that somebody digests something all the way through and it's like literally time to move on and they should never digest it again. And I would also say inside of that, there is a completion point because we can get stuck in the digestion. We could take our pattern of perfection or overworking and just apply it to this new fangled spiritual gift of digestion, this tool. And we don't want to do that either. But there is a point of digest of completion. There is a time to say, I am complete. I recently had that at the end of 2025. There was a huge astrology closing. I had a huge nine-year closing. I talked about it a lot. We did episodes on it. It was really impactful for me. It really helped me close out a few things in my life that I actually needed to close. We're done. We've received the lessons, and it's time to move on. Now that doesn't mean that it's a thought or something is never going to come up for me again. In fact, it has. But the big work is done. There's time to put it down and move on with your life. And of course, it depends on what the thing is. Going back to the wisdom.

Bookmarking Pain Without Shame

SPEAKER_00 9:12

If you're avoiding something, if you're avoiding digesting, we tend to make that a problem. Oh, what are you avoiding in your life? That's a bad thing. But going back to what I was saying before, that there's wisdom there, maybe you don't have the capacity right now. Maybe your plate is full and you could just bookmark it. You could put it in your pocket and say, oh, here's this thing that wants my attention. I'm going to put it in my pocket and I'm going to go back to it when I can give it the attention it deserves and needs. Because I don't have the capacity right now. That's maturity.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

I agree with you a thousand percent. I think that not wanting to digest something isn't necessarily wrong. It's not a problem. I think there are plenty of people that go through their whole life and don't digest something. Like we intentionally digest so that we can have more space for more life, more, like you said, on previous episodes, like having a wild, messy, imperfect life. That that is an opportunity that's available that's more likely with digestion, because if you're living a full life and you're having tons of experiences, then you would want to sort of metabolize some of those so that you have more space for other things, for more life to live. But not doing it isn't a problem. It's the desire to do it is so that we can receive more and live fuller lives, it's sort of life with more meaning. But we don't have to. It's still a choice. And not wanting to is okay. And that's sort of what we're touching on today. Like, so to piggyback on what you're saying, like, no, stopping is not a problem. Ever. But being intentional can definitely like it has a perk. When we intentionally stop something or put something down, there's a perk in that. It's sort of we have our ambient attention on that thing. Like, oh, I'm intentionally not necessarily looking at that anymore.

Quick Self Check Questions

SPEAKER_01 11:23

I can easily go deeper into this. Like the example I have is around my mother's passing, and I'm wanting to bring some levity to this one because we're sort of talking about what happens when you don't want to look at something. So now I'm like, no, not that particular thing. I'm gonna move to like what are some of the quick check-ins that we can give ourselves, which would be like, do I still have an emotional charge around this? When I think about this event or this person place thing, this thing that happened. Is there something that I get to own here? Like, is there a responsibility I could take? Am I avoiding feeling something? Like, is there a feeling I don't want to take ownership of? Or am I actually complete? And like if we're complete, we can let it go. If we're complete for now, we can put it down intentionally. And if there's something there, we can still let it go. Like it this is all really a choice. Even if there's something there, I we could easily say to ourselves, I don't want to stay with this right now. Or, oh, this circumstance, I see the lesson that's available to me, and it might just be too painful for me where I am at this time. I don't want to look at it right now. Like I can choose to pick it up at another time, potentially when there's a different version of me that has more resources to be with that thing. Like I don't have to do it right now. And I guess I could bring my mom thing in

Grief And Choosing The Timing

SPEAKER_01 12:56

here. Like when she passed, I remember crying for like 365. And then one day when it was her anniversary, her death anniversary, I thought, all right, I'm not crying anymore. Like I'm putting this down because I had life to live. I was still a teenager. I had to like graduate high school and just do things. I didn't feel like I could really be in the belly of grief at that time. And there have been other times. I think recently, Brenda reminded me that I had been thinking a lot about my mom this year, and this year meaning 2026, and feeling like, oh, I missed her in certain like certain things had occurred where I was like, oh wow, I really missed her here. And it's been so long. And I can't say it felt the same like when I was a teen, where I wanted to go into the grief of something, but there was a circle back, and it sort of popped up at a time where I had more resources to be with that emotion. And we're talking decades, like over four decades to look at that. Or maybe almost four decades to look at that. There is no ultimately what we're wanting to share today is that there is no right or wrong. And what matters more than integr digesting something or being with or processing it to extract wisdom is our intentionality around it. We don't have to process something forever to exhaustion, like Brenda was talking about. And it's true, like whatever we don't process, we are carrying. And if we choose to carry it, like that gets to be okay. There's like nothing is wrong with that, is what comes up for me around that.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

That's such a beautiful lesson. And I think it's a beautiful one to bring in here because I don't think the world holds that lesson that wherever you are is really okay. And there's so much love and beauty and possibility in that pose of accepting where yourself where you are. Because there's a softness there. It's like maybe you're avoiding something, maybe you don't want to look at it. Well, why? Just being with yourself there. Maybe it's just too painful. Maybe you can only look at something from a few layers out. Right? Maybe you can't look at it so close, you know. So being in acceptance of where you are is huge here. Huge. And like we said, there will be another opportunity. And some of these big things, like you're talking about your mother passing, these are huge things in life that I believe do continue to unwind our entire lives. It's tremendous, and there's so much possibility, and there's no brush, there's no grasping, there's no doing it wrong. And if we can just be with ourself, tap into ourselves, what is happening inside of my body right now? Where can I accept right where I am? And what's the next thing? What is it?

SPEAKER_01 16:26

And just follow those breadcrumbs. Ultimately, just you know, being okay with where we are, with what we have, like doing our best here.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

Yeah. Exactly.

New Levels After Divorce

SPEAKER_00 16:36

And I do want to give a plug for digestion. Like when you're ready, it's great to lean in. Like when you hear that voice or you have the space, the capacity to do it, it's beautiful to lean in when it's true to do. Because that is how we metabolize our experiences and gain new perspectives from it. And it's how we grow and mature. So I do want to give a plug for digestion. It's like, oh, you're in a video game and you just like go to another world, another level. Like, okay, here we are. We're back to this again. I have been digesting my divorce for 14 years of a 21-year marriage. That's a long time. And I'm happy and moving on with my life. But there's new levels of the video game that I get to go into. And I personally love that.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

So I love your plug for digestion and that you have new um versions of the video game. At the end of the day, like no matter where we are, it's okay. Processing life does lead to a richer life, but it's not a must. Like it's a choice. There are plenty of people that choose to, and there are plenty of people that choose not to. And you can choose yes or no at every juncture. It doesn't have to be an automatic yes. It doesn't have to be an automatic no. Like you get to be with yourself and ask yourself, am I carrying this forward? Am I not? Like you get to decide what you want to do with that experience. Are we turning it into wisdom? Are we reaping a benefit from it? Are we going all in? Are we not? Are we basically touching the top? Like it's all okay.

Full Permission To Pause

SPEAKER_01 18:35

We started out by talking about like what happens when we don't want to. And Brenda and I just want to give you full permission here. If you don't want to, you don't have to. Like, period. Full stop. Thank you so much for tuning in to the to more episodes on the digestion era. Until next time.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Thank you for joining us on the Desire as Medicine podcast.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

Desire invites us to be honest, loving, and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.